Things People Tell a Bartender: The Bowling Alley Edition

“I haven’t been laid in three months,” she said. She had big buggy blue eyes and (according to Kent and Craig) a huge rack. “And i have a live in boyfriend!”
“What?” I asked, looking up from my homework.
“I haven’t been laid in three months. I think it’s time to find someone else to fuck. What do you think?”
“Well, he might not like that idea but I can see where you’re coming from.”
“See?” she said. “I just needed to tell someone I didn’t know.”
“You’ve done that.”
“It’s just that I’m going into my prime and he’s leaving his. It’s probably time to get rid of him.”
“Mmmmhmmm,” I said.
“With all the drugs they got there’s no excuse.”
“Get him a prescription.”
“HEY SHORT BALDING GUY,” she turned and shouted. “Let’s get the hell out of here.”
Short balding guy with the Harley jacket turned to the guys on lanes 3 and 4. “Peace,” he said, flashing them the sign. “See you at Renny’s.”

Of course this was too good not to share.

While Kent, Craig, and Tony finished their last beers, they talked about how unperky Boobs LaRue was tonight.
“Of course,” I said. “There were tons of other chicks in here.”
“What?” Kent asked.
“Yeah,” Craig said. “She must not like the competition.”
“And that one chick had a bigger rack than hers,” Kent said.
“What chick?” I asked.
“The one that came in with the short balding guy.”
“Yeah,” I said. “Well she hasn’t been laid in three months.”
“How do you know?” Craig asked.
“Because she told me.”
“AND YOU DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING?” Kent shouted. “It’s been longer for me.”
“Hell,” Craig said. “She could have gotten laid before she left the building.”
“Sorry,” I said. “Next time I’ll make an announcement.”
“You’d better,” Kent said.

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