i had to kill a woman today. i’m not too worried about it, because i’m totally gonna get off on justifiable homicide or something like that. see, i got stuck behind her on Pioneer Trail and i couldn’t get around here, because it’s a two way street with no passing. she was this soceer mom driving about in a mini-van loaded down with child seats and what not, gabbing away on her cell phone.

but that’s not why i had to kill her.

even though was so busy chatting on the phone that she kept forgetting to go when the light turned green. and while i’m not the most patient person on earth, i waited until three cars passed me before i honked.

that’s not why i had to kill her.

in fact, she was so busy chatting that at the next red light that turned green i had to honk again. clearly she had missed the red lazers of rage that were shooting from my eyes and into the back of her head

but that’s not why i had to kill her.

i had to kill her because at the THIRD RED LIGHT THAT TURNED GREEN i had to HONK AGAIN.