my battle with degenerative bone disease

a couple of weeks ago i noticed a weird ache in my left foot. it was just a weird ache so i sorta ignored it. but then the weird ache eventually grew into full-fledged pain. i’m sure it didn’t help the weird ache growing into a pain by jumping up and down on my left foot, and otherwise bending and flexing it in weird positions.

eventually, like a week ago it got so bad that i was limping like limpy the gimpy limper. that was me. i even did the whole sharp intake of air whenever i put my full weight on the foot. it was wretched. about the same time that limpy the gimp invaded my body, i noticed the weird way i would twist my ankle whenever i got into ruby. i wasn’t sure if this was a new twist on my normal truck entering procedure or if i had just noticed it because of the excruciating pain in my left foot/ankle area.

i was convinced that it was one of two things- cancer or degenerative bone disease. after weighing all the symptoms and thinking it through i decided it totally had to be some sort of degenerative bone disease. besides, i already had some form of itchy, scratchy armpit cancer in my left armpit. and even me, with my medical degree from the University of Farfetched Imaginations couldn’t make the logical leap about how armpit cancer could spread to ankle cancer.

so degenerative bone disease it was. i lived with this terrible pain for like an entire week.

but then last night while i was wondering why i kept getting a charley horse whenever i did this weird left-foot maneuver that involved three really quickfoot roles and some weird stretching, i noticed that i forgot to check if my foot still hurt. i got up and it was a little stiff, but not so achy.

about that time i realized that i had stopped hopping around on the foot trying to see if different positions would make it hurt more or less and had generally tried to take it easy and keeping off the foot.

and guess what? it’s all better today. i think we can declare that my battle with degenerative bone disease is over.

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  1. Damon 18.Jan.05 at 4:02 pm

    You are an inspiration to us all…
    *cries* I’m so happy you battle is finally over!

  2. jodi 18.Jan.05 at 6:43 pm

    you jest now, but you sure will be sorry when i get some hideous disease merely as a karmic payback for making light of hideous diseases, won’t you?

  3. Charles 18.Jan.05 at 8:27 pm

    Check into plantar fasciitis

  4. UH 18.Jan.05 at 8:48 pm

    Also check into fascist Planters. They’re peanuts, but they insist they’re cashews and they relentless hound anyone who says otherwise.

  5. UH 18.Jan.05 at 8:49 pm


  6. Thomas 19.Jan.05 at 12:34 pm

    At the risk of offending midwives… again… get thee to a REAL doctor. “You gots INsurance, don’tcha?”