last night as i stumbled into the kitchen at 2:30 a.m. to get something to drink i realized i had a problem. as i stood in front of the refrigerator the glow reflecting off my body, i nearly panicked. i drank right from the bottle and planned how i was going to get my morning fix.
see, i’m addicted to chocolate milk. i know, i know you all thought it was hawaiian punch or diet coke with lime, but you’re wrong. those are merely gateway drinks, opening your mind and palette to the real hard stuff.
i crave chocolate milk all the time. i drink it right from the bottle clutching the cap in my hand standing in front of the refrigerator. i don’t even bother with a glass. i don’t have the time to waste pouring it into a glass when i can just pour it directly down my throat.
my addiction’s gotten so out of control that i realize i’m gonna have to stop buying the expensive chocolate milk in the carton (and thus going back to the glasses) and mixing it up old school with some white milk and hershey’s syrup. i just wish it were a little more socially acceptable. because when you order chocoalte milk at a restaurant or walk around with a milk moustache, people just think you’re weird.