admitting it is the first step

last night as i stumbled into the kitchen at 2:30 a.m. to get something to drink i realized i had a problem. as i stood in front of the refrigerator the glow reflecting off my body, i nearly panicked. i drank right from the bottle and planned how i was going to get my morning fix.

see, i’m addicted to chocolate milk. i know, i know you all thought it was hawaiian punch or diet coke with lime, but you’re wrong. those are merely gateway drinks, opening your mind and palette to the real hard stuff.

i crave chocolate milk all the time. i drink it right from the bottle clutching the cap in my hand standing in front of the refrigerator. i don’t even bother with a glass. i don’t have the time to waste pouring it into a glass when i can just pour it directly down my throat.

my addiction’s gotten so out of control that i realize i’m gonna have to stop buying the expensive chocolate milk in the carton (and thus going back to the glasses) and mixing it up old school with some white milk and hershey’s syrup. i just wish it were a little more socially acceptable. because when you order chocoalte milk at a restaurant or walk around with a milk moustache, people just think you’re weird.

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  1. Kevin Lawver 02.Dec.04 at 12:25 pm

    You could always bulk-mix your chocolatey goodness in the blender, put it back in the jug and enjoy just as you do now.

  2. JackassJimmy 02.Dec.04 at 12:41 pm

    Long time reader, first time poster. Just wanted to say that chocolate milk is the nectar of the gods and that I love your blog almost as much.


  3. Jen 02.Dec.04 at 12:52 pm

    Gross (and disappointing) factoid I learned the other day: Drinking from the carton or jug ruins your milk. Saliva from your mouth invariably gets in there and the enzymes start to break down the product! I always figured it was just kindof unsanitary (but if I’m the only one doing it, who cares), but no, it actually makes the milk go bad. So sad.

  4. jodi 02.Dec.04 at 1:14 pm

    hi jackassjimmy, can i just call you jackass? because that’s really sort of funny.

    anyway, my real point is. . . jen, i don’t think the chocolate milk is in the carton long enough for it to go bad. i drink it that fast. really.

  5. UH 02.Dec.04 at 3:00 pm

    Ugh. Just plain ugh.

  6. Jen 02.Dec.04 at 4:34 pm

    AAh… if it’s going that fast – then I say have at ‘er!

  7. Damon 02.Dec.04 at 5:10 pm

    Maybe mixing your own would be a blessing in disguise.

    You could alter the level of chocolate flavoring in relation to the amount of milk to satisfy your urges more effectively?

  8. Calli 02.Dec.04 at 5:49 pm

    I love chocolate milk and I don’t care who knows! I usually go under the assumption that people will think I’m weird no matter what I do, which can be very freeing and allows me to order chocolate milk in restaurants. In fact, I did it just last week in front of my soon-to-be in-laws (who I met for the first time last week, as well).

    And I won’t worry about drinking from the bottle breaking down the product. It never sits in the fridge long enough to break down!

  9. JackassJimmy 02.Dec.04 at 9:45 pm

    You sure can call me Jackass.


  10. Kaitlin 02.Dec.04 at 10:17 pm

    I have a similar (and horrendously expensive) addiction. That Silk Soy Mocha stuff is SO GOOD. I can only find it in liter containers, so it is practically gone before I even make it home from the grocery store. I’d like to find it in 5-gallon buckets. Seriously.