So I was in the shower, brushing my teeth and reading the bottle of Olay Restore Body Wash. This is no easy feat, because I am blind and I don’t shower with my glasses on. I was reading the bottle of body wash again because the other day when I was taking a bath, I read the bottle of Caress Moroccan Experience Body Wash (two different bathrooms and therefore two different washes) and the copy was really good. It was about how enchanting I’d be with my luxurious Moroccan-scented skin. Sweet! The Olay copy was bad, and included the line “use restore to restore the restorative properties of your skin.” Okay, really it only used the word restore twice in the sentence, but it seemed like more. Also, if you’re calling it ‘restore’ shouldn’t it be Restore?
See what I mean about NEVER BEING ABLE TO TURN IT OFF?
That’s the old habit, reading the copy on the stuff I buy. I do it because somewhere out there is a poor schlub who sat in a meeting with marketers and had to make a case for the word enchant. I know this because I once had to sit in a room with some marketers and listen to them explain to me for the 93,198th time why the phrase “improve your image” was just too damn technical and therefore scary to the viewers of our advertisement.
While I was reading the restore Body Wash I was thinking about the Moroccan Body Wash, a recent impulse buy. I was getting sick of having to run wet and naked from one bathroom to the other because I had forgotten the body wash in the last place I bathed so when I saw the pretty deep purple bottle with the funky swirled top, I bought it.
As I was reminiscing about the buying of the cool-bottled Moroccan Body Wash, my new, most-annoying-ever habit reared its ugly head.
A few weeks ago I was having coffee with some friends and I made a crack about how I like my coffee like my men — hot & sweet. It got a nice chuckle from my companions and that was all the encouragement my inner-voice needed. Because now I can’t stop.
I’m like Michael Scott and “that’s what she said.” Now, whenever I say anything about blah & blah, I have to add “just like I like my men.” A lot of times it doesn’t even make sense, but I still say it. Like today in the shower when thinking about my Moroccan Body Wash and why I bought it, I said to myself “purple and hooked, just like I like my men.”
That’s when my inner Jim Halpert bugged his eyes out at me, and then smirked at the shower head and shook his head.
This whole episode just proves that either I’m watching too many reruns of The Office or I need to get laid. The answer is obvious.