what is she thinking

i sat down at oberon tonight to write about What Was She Thinking?, and how wonderfully Zoe Heller is writing about the loneliness of one of the main characters. how when barbara went to the corner grocery store she wanted to tell the cashier that she wasn’t a lonely old bag and and she had just gotten back from dinner at a friend’s house. i was gonna write about how it’s odd to see the topic of loneliness dealt with in a manner different than my own, since i often write about loneliness.

but then for some reason i went to ebay and started surfing around and one of my continuing obessesions flared up. now i’m trying my damndest not to buy McSweeney’s 4. i mean, i don’t need it. right? sure it has a story by Denis Johnson (whose Jesus’ Son made me want to rip my arm off in a fit of utter jealousy) and all, and sure i have all the McSweeney’s from 5 on, but really i do not need McSweeney’s 4. because if i get 4, then i’m gonna wanna get 1, 2 & 3 and that will set me back entirely more money than i’m willing to spend. right? right? and with that $100 i’d spend on McSweeney’s 4, i can get FIVE brand-new hardcover books or like 932 used books, or something.

i am not buying it, honest.

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