i had an odd dream.

i was in bed, getting ready to sleep for the night when the TTHM busts in.
“i’m going back to her,” he said. “i still love her.”
“ok,” i said from my bed. “that’s fine, throw yourself at the brickwall. i’m not picking you up again.”
“i’m not going to talk to you anymore or see you anymore,” he said.

this upset me. i started sobbing [which is odd because in real, actual life, i haven’t seen the TTHM in something like five months]. i was hysterical. i got out of bed to convince him that cutting me out of his life was unnecessary. once i got out of bed i realized she was in the corner of the room. petite, blonde, cute, everything i wasn’t or ever will be.

“GET OUT,” i shouted pointing my finger at her. she just shook her head no.

“we should leave,” he said to her touching her on the shoulder.

i was really hysterical at this point. i was sitting on the floor, my head and arms on top of the bed, and i was crying hysterically– to the point where i couldn’t breathe.

“if . . . you . . . leave. . .” i started gasping. “if you leave i’ll never speak to you again. this is it.”
“jodi,” he said. “this is the way it has to be.”
“FUCK YOU! WHY DID YOU EVEN CALL AGAIN,” i screamed.

he came over to the bed to comfort me or something, and placed a hand on my shoulder. this is when i decided it would be a good idea to put a move on him. i grabbed his head and started kissing him, my hands groping at his junk. he kissed me back. then stoppped.

“i have to leave,” he said.

i just sat on the floor at his feet sobbing and sobbing and sobbing. he looked down at me and shook his head. i watched him turn and walk towards the brickwall, put his arm around her shoulder and walk out.

i sat there crying for sometime and then decided it would be a good idea to get up and go to Michaels. once i got there i realized everyone was waiting for me. my whole family was there, maria, bonnie, jessica, shannon and a bunch of other co-workers were there. it was a happening place. i was wandering around aimlessly, avoiding my friends and family with my puffy, cried out eyes. when i happened upon a display filled with Charlie the Tuna action figures. there were a gob of them and they were only 50?. i decided they’d make great gag gifts and perhaps the kidlings would like them too. so i scooped up a bunch of them, when i was approached by the hot guy from R&D [HGFR&D].

“hi,” he said waving at me and smiling.
“hi.”

we stood there in michael’s chit-chatting about absolutely nothing. he was buying christmas decorated shirtboxes and easter basket grass. i asked him what the grass was for and he said his lawn. i laughed.

we walked around michaels flirting and chatting, when we happened upon a gaggle of our co-workers. we were talking about a party or some sort of get-together and the HGFR&D said he couldn’t make it because he lived out on highway 10. i told him that was bullshit and if i could make it he could. he said since i was gonna be there, he’d go. the maria, came rushing to the group.

“jodi he’s perfect for you,” she said.
“who?”
“that tall tall handsome man,” she said.
“oh, he went back to the brickwall,” i said. “they live in the same apartment building in separate apartments across from each other.”

then she ran away, only to return a few minutes later.
“no, he’s perfect for you. he only made $500 last year, but this year he made $38,000 and next year he’ll make $58.”
“it doesn’t matter,” i said. “he loves her.”
“he won’t,” she said.

then suddenly we were all outside and it was colder than hell. i had my burnt sienna bag filled with stuff, slung over my shoulder and some how i had to carry a 12 pack of diet coke, a half-gallon of milk and a glass of milk. but the milk in the glass froze instantly because it was so cold. which made me start crying again. as i was putting on my mittens, which were somehow filled with snow, and crying, bonnie (another co-worker) asked me if i needed any help.
“no,” i said. “i can do it by myself. i always do.”

then i woke up.