baby i’ll try to love again but i know

i was doing pretty good today. cleaning and grocery shopping and what not, then things went horribly awry. i blame it on the weird convergence of stuff. Li-Young Lee in the issue of Speakeasy that came today, and the greatest hits of Crows both of the Sheryl and Counting variety on the stereo. and this weird convergence of stuff put me right back in 1993-95. this made me sad.

why?

because i had great gobs of friend in 1993-95 and i was cute and i was popular and you know what? i was still lonely. i was, only i didn’t have so much time to think about it. i’m not sure if that makes the loneliness better or worse, or if it’s just a matter of fact. so that means something is clearly me and maybe it’s ok to just be the lonelygirl, maybe that’s just the way i am.

but it still made me sad so i took a nap.

then i dreamt. i dreamt that i was taking a nap and in the dream i woke from my nap with a start. i came out to the living room to find the TTHM sitting on my couch clad in a t-shirt and a pair of bright blue boxers. he was sitting in the living room with my mom and they were waiting for my sisters and dad to arrive. eventually sister #2 arrived and then i had to hurry up and get ready for my date. i was going on a date with a significantly younger man (who may or may not have been darlingjason). i was in my room trying to get ready and i couldn’t decide what to wear.

my date had arrived and so had my dad and my dad was yelling at me about how very late i was making me and my date. we were supposed to go dancing. but then i realized that i hadn’t shaved my armpits, so i had to try to do a quick shave, while the significantly younger date danced outside the bathroom, he was eager to get on with the date and dancing and afterwards we were going to have sex. and i was getting ready to leave, sister #2 came up to me and said, “the TTHM threw hamburger at dad.”

then i woke up.

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