tonight, it’s not so good. i’ve fallen and i can’t get up. this is the worst i’ve felt about myself in a long, long time. the loneliness, it’s inescapable tonight. i really did try. i watched “Almost Famous.” i made a good dinner, i tried to stay busy. but you cannot escape the silence of a phone that has stopped ringing. it’ll probably be a good long time before it rings again.
i’m second-guessing myself. i feel bad and icky and like i’m driving everyone i want in my life away by trying to grab onto them too tightly.
it’s wretched and this, this writing like this, it doesn’t even help anymore. it just makes my face all sticky and wet and does nothing for the heaviness in my chest.