i couldn’t do it. i couldn’t go to the hospital tonight. my sisters are going up there now. i’m came home.
“don’t feel bad,” sister #2 said.
“i do feel bad,” i said.
“i just go up there to bullshit. i really wanna see wayne and sherry.”
“i just really want to sleep.”
so i came home because i just don’t have the energy to deal with family. i don’t have the strength to fake being jovial. i just want to not think. i just want a little peace.
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The day that one comes close to reaching her inner peace, is the day she realizes it is an unrealistic expectation.
When my Mema was dying, I couldn’t go to the hospital. I couldn’t bear the though of seeing her differently.. of remembering her as being sick instead of the feisty woman she was.
There are times when I wonder if that was the right decision. At the time, I felt really guilty about it.
I have no advice, except to do what feels right to you. I’m sorry you’re going through this.