my brother-in-law is running for political office. i’m not going to tell you where or what for, because really that’s not my news to tell. i’m amazed that he’s willing to turn his life upside down for the cause of a fair government that represents the people, or some such thing. i would never be so noble.
of course i’m having this continuous nightmare that his campaign manager will find things on iwilldare.com and want me to retract and/or remove them. she’s already been through my sister’s site looking for things she’d have to take down. i am, of course, appalled. at a party a few weeks ago the everytime sister #2 would say something this woman would say, “oh i read that on your blog.” it was kind of disturbing. i mean, if you want to read it, that’s fine. but you don’t have to bring it up in conversation, just out of respect. if i were talking to someone and they kept cutting me off saying, oh yeah i read that on your site, that would drive me nuts. my best friend, who does read this site, doesn’t ever do that. unless i ask her first.
so today, sister #3 told me that the campaign manager has been trolling iwilldare.com. this bothers me. the campaign manager told sister #2 that she had read my site– my sister being the smart, loyal and wonderful sister that she is, said that she doesn’t read my site at my request. that none of my family will read it, because i have asked them not to.is it any wonder i love my family so?
but it still bothers me. i’m afriad that something i’ve written will be brought up out of context. i worry about the retribution. really what i fear is that sometime sister #2 will be talking about something and this woman will say, “oh i read that on your sister’s blog and she said x, y, and z about it.”
maybe i’m just being crazy and paranoid.
i was talking with sister #3 about all this today and i was trying to pin down why i write here if i don’t want certain people reading it.
i write because i want to share. i love writing, this is the best exercise ever. but i want to write without fear of retribution. in my mind, i keep liking it to telling a stranger your problems. they have no emotional investment, they can judge if they want, but it doesn’t really matter. i write because i have to, i share because i want to. because i get to connect with people i’d have never had a chance to connect with, if i kept all my words to myself. i am pretty open here on iwilldare.com. not as open as i wish i could be, but still pretty open.
that’s why i don’t let my family read it. there are things people in your life don’t need to know. there are things about the people in my life that i don’t want to know. ignorance is bliss in some situations. i know that when you write online about your life you have to be certain that someone you don’t want to find it, will. i am ok with that as long as it’s not my immediate family. i love them with a passion and will protect them with a fierceness that would surprise you.
and oddly enough, my family understands this weird, weird urge i have. they tolerate my artistic primadonna tendencies to write and share, but to keep it a strange sort of nonsecret thing. when the sisters started their sites, i offered them the same respect. if they didn’t want me to, i wouldn’t read it. neither of them had the same need. they were more than willing to share.
i’m more selfish. iwilldare.com is mine and i don’t want to share it with them. they get everything else. everything else i have i will share with them without giving it a second thought. but this, i won’t budge.
sister #3 and i were talking about the trolling and she was more upset than i was. she said that my life is none of that woman’s business. she said she’d be upset if krissi or jodi hanson were reading it. she agrees, they don’t need to know. she agrees that i need this place to be my own. she also said that i’ve been happier and more open since i started iwilldare.com. she’s right. and maybe i just have to come to grips with that fact that people are going to read this and bring it up in social situations and that will just be awkward and i’ll have to deal with it. and that, darling ones, is life. always interesting.