i put your picture away, sat down and cried today

you know you’re in a bad way when listening to sheryl crow and kid rock’s “pictures” sends rivers of tears pouring down your cheeks.

at least i can chuckle at my own cliched heartbreakedness. i’ve always had quite a flair for the dramatic.

today i am going to put all the outlaw’s stuff away. and it’s making me so angry. because i feel like i’m giving him the out he wanted. i don’t want to do that. but since he’s decided i am no longer worthy of his time or attention or even worthy of the slightest bit of kind consideration, i don’t know what else to do.

and of course there’s the part of me that’s still sure it’s just a giant misunderstanding and if he’d just talk to me i could clear it all up and he’d see that i really am wonderful and worthy and that i care for him and that maybe he was just confused and didn’t know what else to do.

it hurts. i haven’t been this hurt and heartbroken in a long, long time. but that’s the risk you take, right? i am not sad that i took the risk. i’d do it again. i will do it again.

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5 Comments

  1. Keanuette 26.Apr.03 at 9:56 am

    I feel for you. I hope it sorts out for your [for the better] whether with or without him…

    Reply
  2. courtney 26.Apr.03 at 1:34 pm

    ok, so i have been reading your journal for about four or five months now, not knowing who the hell you are, but feeling like i know so much about you. lame, i know — and kind of stalkeresque too, i imagine — but not to worry. i really just enjoy your wit and charm, and unfortunately i can sense your pain on the “darker” entries. basically, i enjoy your writing… and like when i read a book, i am attached to the character that is you.

    which brings me to the point at hand… the need to tell you that you deserve so much better than WHATSHISNAME… the need to tell you that you are so much stronger than you probably know… the need to tell you that love is a verb, an action and not a feeling… the need to tell you that you may feel hurt but it’s not the love that is making you feel this way; it could be deeper than that. or maybe it IS just the “surface emotion” that makes you sad — the fact that he no longer will be there and now you feel alone.

    jodi, there is someone out there that is waiting for you and who will show you love the way you need it (vice versa). give your self-confidence a boost and focus on the fabulous you… you are an amazingly courageous, strong and talented woman temporarily stuck in a moment of sadness.

    and i’m done. sorry for the rambling, but i’m serious that you are an inspirational person that helps other feel good about themselves. so why not take the time to feel good about yourself?

    Reply
  3. natasha 02.May.03 at 4:07 am

    hey there,
    frankly speaking i havent read much of ur stuff it was only by accident that came across this thing(looong ,funny story)!soo..ya ok..i hav been thru that.know exactly wat u mean!but well..all i can say is all this stuff abt finding the right guy waiting for u to show u how beautiful the world is ..well..dont know abt u but doesnt work for me..i mean simple question if i am too good for him then how come i am not wid him?well..no offence to any1 i dont intend 2 say ur opinion isnt valid but just throwing stuff out in so u can view it frm another pt. of view..the thing is..he is if he lost interest..thats it!wat u r going to do is to deal with it with grace and dignity.Look i hav a pt. here the question is whether i am getting to it…hope u get wat i mean to say..i am only trying to make u feel better but realistically..DONT RUN AFTER HIM.dont try to prove anything to him.just chuck it..for ur sake!

    Reply
  4. NANN 29.Dec.03 at 8:53 am

    I AM SURE THAT YOU ARE A WONDERFUL GIRL.

    STOP TRYING TO “SELL” THAT TO ANYONE.

    INSTEAD OF TRYING TO “SELL” YOURSELF AND HOW
    WONDERFUL YOU ARE TO A MAN, GO FOR THE MAN THAT
    YOU ARE “SOLD” ON. JUST DO THE “REVERSE” OF WHAT
    YOU HAVE BEEN DOING.

    Reply
  5. K 29.Dec.03 at 6:16 pm

    I have been through all of this before too, I have cried over the same song even! And the sad thing is, it has happened more than once. The best thing to do is sometimes the hardest, and I surely can’t tell you what to do – but I walked away. If he is not totally crazy about you then he doesn’t deserve you. And you know what… one of the ones I walked away from came crawling back, and now he sees what he lost and is crazy about me… so be strong and don’t settle… someone is going to see how awesome you are and the way they love you will totally erase this whole thing from your memory… i promise.

    Reply

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