i was exhausted when i went to bed an hour ago. i could hardly keep my eyes open. but the minute i turned off the lights, my mind started. and, well, here i am.
i’m hurt and i’m angry and i’m so incredibly sad, it’s pathetic. i feel like i’m owed an explanation, but i can’t get one to save my life. i just want to ask him if he has any idea how much he’s hurting me. maybe he doesn’t care. i can’t imagine what horrid thing i could have done to deserve this. it must have been a doozy.
i thought he was different.
i just want to know what went so suddenly and quickly wrong. i can’t figure it out. i try and i try. the only thing i keep coming back to is my old standby– i am unlovable.
and maybe that’s just it. and maybe that’s why my mind keeps spinning because i don’t want to accept that as the truth. but, perhaps it is that easy, no matter how much i want to deny it.