The Myth of Pain

women who are mothers claim the pain of childbirth is quickly forgotten. perhaps it’s only forgotten because it’s overshadowed by the joy of having a new baby. i’m not buying the forgetting pain crap. perhaps it’s just a myth handed down from woman to woman in an effort to perpetuate the species.

i remember pain. i always remember pain. i still remember how much it hurt when i bumped my head a couple weeks ago. i even remember the pain when i fell and hurt my arm. i remember pain.

i can remember with exacting detail every single time my heart was broken. i remember the way he clutched the car door. i remember the way he would kiss everything but my lips. i remember meeting his girlfriend, the one i didn’t know existed. i remember the day i realized he would never make my phone ring again. i remember all that pain. i remember the friend speeches. i remember the it’s going too fast speeches. i remember the silence.

i remember the pain. i always forget the healing. while i can recall the exact moment my heart shattered, i can never recall the day it was all better. the day the wound healed over. i couldn’t even venture to guess a single time i thought, “oh yeah, that’s the day i got over him.” “that’s the day i moved on.” “that’s when i decided he didn’t matter.”

but apparently i have, because i continue to open my heart and my arms to men who don’t want all of me. who want pieces and parts of me, but not the whole package. the men who want sassy and sluttly, but not scared and lonely. who want independent and strong and not neurotic and needy.

it’s funny that i always remember the pain and not the healing. perhaps it’s only forgotten because it’s overshadowed by the giddiness of new love. perhaps healing is forgotten because it’s a long, arduous process, whereas heartbreaking happens in a flash. perhaps it’s just a myth handed down from woman to woman in an effort to perpetuate the species.

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4 Comments

  1. Thomas 12.Mar.03 at 7:09 am

    That is perhaps one of the most honest and well written things that exists on the internet.

    I can only tell you that when real love is found, the pain and heartache of the past goes away. At least until the most talented writer in modern society puts words to page the way you’ve done, then those bittersweet feelings creep back an remind you of those moments… And inspire the Mars-esque side of a married guy reading these words to desperately wish his double, his doppleganger, a clone of himself could exist to make things better by scooping you up in his arms and holding you until you’ve shead a tear of joy for every tear of pain that’s ever fallen from your beautiful eyes.

    If my heart was mine to give, you’d have it should you want it. If my love was free to give, you’d have it should you want. If my soul wasn’t bound already, it would be linked with yours should you want it. All I can offer is friendship and a tawdry evening or two.

    Reply
  2. Kevin 12.Mar.03 at 8:21 am

    Oh, my wife remembers the pain of childbirth. Hell, I remember the pain of childbirth and I wasn’t the one going through it.

    Reply
  3. dainec 13.Mar.03 at 9:03 am

    I’m just speechless reading this. It’s so beautifully written and so sad.

    The thing about childbirth, for me at least, is that the joy outweighs the pain. There’s a big reward at the end. It’s like finishing a marathon, I think. (Not that I’ve ever run a marathon, mind you.)

    Heartbreak is different. What reward is there? Wisdom? Experience? Those aren’t the kinds of things that make you want to say, “Gee, thanks.”

    Reply
  4. Shannon 13.Mar.03 at 3:03 pm

    I remember the pain of chilbirth! That’s why I say “No more!” when Jeremy says he wants a child.
    Oh, but only the promise of a fist size tranquilizer would convince me to give birth again.

    Reply

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