dear michael faber,
i want my money back. i also want the outlaw’s money back. i also want all the time i invested in your wretchedly boring and ultimately unrewarding “crimson petal and the white.” what a goddamn drag. maybe, maybe the book would have been tolerable at 500 pages. but 800+ pages? are you kidding me? could you have concocted a more pathetic cast of characters?
i don’t think so. you killed off the only charming, endearing character half-way through this dreck. i should have quit while i was ahead. but i was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. you know, since donna tartt always starts out really slowly and drags you along for hundreds of pages and just when you think you’ve wasted all your time, she saves the day. you sir, did not save the day. you threw a bunch of characters at me and then around page 700 got bored with them (as i had been bored with them since about page 7) and just made them all disappear. what the hell was the point? where’s my conclusion? fuck, where the hell was the plot? the rising action? the climax? the resolution?
what the hell was the point? it was all lost on me. and really, that whole weird narrator who randomly appeared and disappeared? that was REALLY annoying. i should have known somewhere around page 60 when this weird random narrator asked if i was still paying attention that i was bound to wander. i only wish i had stopped then.