breaking the world record

last weekend i was sitting on sister #3’s couch with my hand down my pants watching the real world chicago marathon. she was sitting in a chair reading some book when she turned to me:
“what’s a soda cracker?”
“i dunno, isn’t it like a saltine or something?”
“yeah, that’s what i thought,” she said and turned back to her book.
“umm, why do you ask?”
“because some guy is in here for eating three soda crackers in one minute 42 seconds.”
“you can get into the guiness book of world records for eating crackers?”
“i guess so.”
“maybe they were really big soda crackers.”
“but it didn’t say really big soda crackers it just said soda crackers.”
“you got any saltines, maybe they say soda crackers or something.”

she pads out into the kitchen and returns with a box or crackers. we both inspect it and nowhere is there mention of soda crackers. she pulls out a bag of crackers, opens it and hands me three.

“here. i’m going to go get a watch and you eat these.”
“ok.”
“ready?”
“no, no let me stop laughing first.”
“ok, ready?”
“maybe this is why it took the guy so long because he couldn’t stop laughing.”
“stop. now are you ready?”
“yes.”
“ok, GO!”

i popped the first cracker into my mouth and chewed. and chewed, and chewed, and chewed. i thought my time was up. i quickly popped the next one into my mouth as i’m chewing the second one sister #3 shouts, “hurry!” i pop the third one into my mouth and chew as fast as i can. finally, i swallow.

“ok, how long was that?”
“it was only 37 seconds.”
“hot damn! call guiness.”
“let’s call ericka [sister #2] she might know what a soda cracker is.”

she dials up sister #2:
“hey, what’s a soda cracker? yeah, that’s what i thought. oh, well i was just reading the guiness book of world records and some guy was in there for eating three soda crackers in one minute 42 seconds and jodi just did it in 37 seconds. yeah, mom will be so proud. ok, yeah, bye.”

so there you have it, i am the new world record holder.

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22 Comments

  1. alie 14.Jul.02 at 8:58 pm

    wow.. can I have your autograph? 😉

  2. rob 14.Jul.02 at 10:55 pm

    Glad to see you’re making every 37 seconds count.

  3. Luka 22.Sep.02 at 7:43 pm

    LOL me and Justin were just talking about it he thought the record was 1 min. 50 or something so I tried it cant remember what I got.. mabey like, 40 or something seconds hehe. what people hold records in.. lol 😛

  4. Chris 15.Nov.02 at 5:32 pm

    The record is three “Jacob’s cream crakers” in 49s. Not soda crackers.

  5. neil 27.Nov.02 at 8:06 pm

    i beat ur’s i didt 4 in 32 s

  6. don 28.Jan.03 at 12:49 am

    My buddy just did 8 in 59sec!

  7. Marneezi 05.Feb.03 at 1:12 pm

    haha….i guess the stakes keep rising…..i not only ate 5 in 37 secs………but i did 8 in 57secs…..SOMEONE PLEASE…GIVE ME SOME COMPETITION!!!!!

  8. jordan harnden 12.Feb.03 at 11:54 am

    i can eat 7 salted soda crackers in a minute if anyone can test that we need to talk

  9. hai 07.Mar.03 at 4:14 am

    I just wanna hook up to the guy living in vietnam right now , he wanna go for the Guiness of the world about putting the most scorpions on his body. So if is the any way that whoever wanna record this show for some purposes please contact me to the email address above. Ofcourse im not doing this for free. Thanks!

  10. hai 07.Mar.03 at 4:15 am

    I just wanna hook up to the guy living in vietnam right now , he wanna go for the Guiness of the world about putting the most scorpions on his body. So if is the any way that whoever wanna record this show for some purposes please contact me to the email address above. Ofcourse im not doing this for free. Thanks!

  11. Powassan 18.Mar.03 at 5:04 pm

    I can do 7 in a minute aswell.

  12. Wes 19.Mar.03 at 8:35 am

    soda cracker
    n : unsweetened cracker leavened slightly with soda and cream of tartar

  13. justin 03.Apr.03 at 12:49 pm

    Yeah, i would say 8 is the maximum. I can do 7 consistantly, but have only done 8 a few times. it’s hard to get it swallowed.

  14. Jolene Ann Steria 17.Jun.03 at 8:58 am

    cool sight but add more color!

  15. Stacie 08.Jul.03 at 9:43 am

    You guys are so funny. Go to http://www.dciimports.com to find out what Jacobs Cream Crackers are!

  16. Pete The Meat 26.Sep.03 at 5:30 am

    You lot are all crackers if you ask me!

  17. JustinC 12.Oct.03 at 10:48 pm

    I can get 6 own

  18. pimpinainteazy 19.Dec.03 at 4:56 pm

    i ate 8 saltine crackers in 52 seconds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  19. wouldn't you like to know 08.Feb.04 at 12:00 am

    WOW!I am just so impressed with people eating crackers in so many seconds! What a life to eat crackers and then actually have time to come online and write about it!!!!! WHOA!!!

  20. salivafree_in_the_uk 29.Mar.04 at 9:40 am

    Forget Saltines – the salt makes you salivate, which makes eating them easy. Get some real Jacob’s Cream Crackers and see why the guy who ate three in 49 seconds deserves a medal!

  21. Billie Jo 17.Sep.04 at 3:12 pm

    My co-worker Dwight Anderson just ate 25 soda crackers in 1 min 30 sec.

  22. Noah 22.Sep.04 at 6:36 pm

    I ate 15 crackers in one minute you bicthes. I also ate a penis top that.