we had an exact route. we took it most anytime we were in the car, it didn’t matter where we were going. we could always work in a driveby.

going to the liquor store? let’s do the drive by.
the mall? got time for a driveby.
are you bored? might as well do a driveby.

since i am getting old, and my memory is beginning to fail me, i can’t remember every boy who was on the route. ben, scott, marty, nathan perhaps. there are probably more, i just can’t seem to remember them so much now.

really, the boys weren’t that important. what was important was driving around listening to gloria gaynor, ani difranco, and the gear daddies smoking cigarettes and talking.

explaining in great detail over a camel light just how ani difranco’s “untouchable face” was the very embodiment of my latest crush, that was important.

figuring out that the line is, “i would have made you leave your key if i’d have known for just one minute you’d be back to bother me,” that was utmost importance.

i’ve been thinking about the art of the driveby since yesterday when the evil munchkin proclaimed he had neither the time nor the energy to be a stalker. i of course proclaimed that i was a brilliant stalker. i was.

i think most every college aged girl is. ella, agreed. the evil munchkin was floored.

today while leaving work i turned to jess and ella as the cute guy from r&d drove past.

“damnit! if we had left five minutes earlier i could have followed him home and done drivebys all the time.”
“but you know where he is most of the time, at work!” ella said.
“oh,” i said.
“you could do walkbys,” jess said, “just keep walking by his cell.”
“too obvious, then they’d just be wondering what the dorky marketing girl was doing back there all the time.”

thus, my illustrious career as a stalker has come to an end. it’s a sad, sad day for mankind.