Things in My Living Room

There are things in my living room:

First there is a bookcase housing 84 books. On top of the bookcase is a pile of junk. From my vantage point on the grayer couch (I have two couches the grey one and the grayer one) I can�t quite discern the make up of aforementioned pile of junk. It appears to be two book jackets, a remote control, a few CDs and maybe some magazines. I�d get up to investigate, but really is this column worth so much effort? Also gracing the top of this bookcase is a silvery desk lamp thing with a frosted glass shade. It�s got a GE Reveal light bulb inside of it. Because I am addicted to GE Reveal Light bulbs. Also there is a purple candle in a wrought-iron curlicued candleholder.

Next up as we move around the room clockwise is a video rack thing. Actually, it used to be a CD rack, until the collection outgrew it. Now it holds some CDs but mostly video type thins. On there we�ve got the complete first and second seasons of Sex in the City, boxed sets. My best friend, Kari, bought these for me�she rules tremendously. Then comes �Office Space.� This is not my movie. It�s the evil munchkins. I can�t remember when I he let me borrow it. I should probably bring it back. Next up is another movie that is not mine. It�s �Meet the Parents.� This belongs to sister #4. She�ll get it back when I damn good and ready to give it back to her.

Next up on the rack-type thing: two Jem videos. Yes, she�s truly outrageous, as am I. We have a lot of things in common. Oh, I lied. The Jem videos are not next to �Meet the Parents.� Sammiched between Jem and �Meet the Parents� is an uberswank, supery dupery video that I got from a boy called Bad Donald. This video contains cartoony video things to all the songs on Soul Coughing�s �El Oso� album. Also on this video are a bunch of interviews with the replacements and even clips from their performance on Saturday Night Live. I probably should have married Bad Donald for sending me something so cool. But he lived in Ohio.

Ok rounding out the top shelf, �High Fidelity.� I actually own this one.

The next shelf starts out with various mix-CDs of unknown or unremembered origins. But they are there. Then there�s a giant gap and then some more movies. We�ve got �Shakespeare in Love,� �Beautiful Girls,� �Say Anything,� and �Almost Famous.� I own all those movies. Wanna come over and watch some videos?

The next shelf is about 14 mixed tapes and one tape by a band called Duncan Bleak. See, my friend Keith had that band. The tape is actually pretty good. When we were in college Keith used to always dedicate the song �She existed� to me.

The bottomest shelf has a bunch of not-used-enough exercise videos. We will not discuss this shelf at much length because it makes me feel better about myself to pretend it does not exist. Thank you.

Next up in the living room is the TV. The TV isn�t mine. I�ve never actually owned a TV. The TV belongs to sister #4, the same sister who is the owner of the aforementioned �Meet the Parents video. Much like the video, she�ll get it back when I�m damn good and ready. On the cart thing containing the TV is a VCR. Ironically, I got the VCR from sister #4 because she wanted her�s back. Maybe it will work the same way with the TV. Sharing space with the VCR is a set of Laura Ingalls wilder little house on the prairie books that I got in 1982. I know this because my mom wrote in each one of them that I got them in 1982.

Is this fascinating?

Now we�re to yet another bookcase. This one only has 45 books in it. However amongst these books is the comic Scooterboy made for the word at a time story and my autographed just for me (to Jodi. . . ) copy of Vonnegut�s �Cats Cradle.� On top of the bookcase are two candles and a framed picture. The picture is of me and my niece Jaycie. She�s pretty fresh in the picture, about 10 minutes old. I am telling her that I will always have gum. On the floor next to the bookcase is a car care kit. It has all sorts of useful car stuff in it, like fix-a-flat, tools, jumper cables and other assorted hooha. We won�t comment on the fact that it�s in the house and not the car.

Next up is an end table. The end table has a giant basket full of yarn underneath it. On top there is an empty candleholder, a vase full of potpourri, two candles and this totally rad daisy basket I bought at target once. Next to the table is a chair. The chair sucks ass because it doesn�t rock. I didn�t want the chair; the chair was forced upon me. Behind the chair is another bookcase. There are 58 books in that case. On top is cone shaped lamp that also contains a GE Reveal light bulb. A cheeseasaurus rex I got from sending in proofs of purchases from kraft cheese and macaroni, a bottle of nail polish, a pair of glasses and two vases filled with dried flowers.

Rounding out the living room is the grey couch, a green trunk thing acting as a coffee table (with a spoon, two glasses cases and the latest issue of Jane magazine on it), another end table with the cordless phone base (sans cordless phone) and some fingernail clippers on it and finally the greyer couch with me, Paco and Otto (the laptop) on it.

Yes, there you have it. That�s what�s in my living room. Now you wanna come over and hangout?

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