sister #2 has gone crazy. rip-snorting, bull-goose looney. i fear for the mental health of her children now.
she’s obessessed with richard nixon. early this summer i let her read my copy of “all the president’s men,” woodward and bernsteins tract about investigating the watergate scandal. since then sister #2 has read every single book she can find on nixon and the watergate brouhaha.
this quest for knowledge in and of itself isn’t disturbing, in fact it’s kind of charming. what’s disturbing is the zeal she takes in discussing it and the time she spends worrying about who deepthroat is.
she’ll call me at work:
“who do you think deepthroat is?”
“i dunno, diane sawyer?”
“nope, it’s a man. a tall man, woodward said so.”
“ok, maybe spiro agnew.”
“nope.”
“ok, why don’t you tell me who deep throat is?”
“it’s david eisenhower!”
“really?”
“Yes! it’s clear. he’s a nixon insider. woodward never said that deepthroat worked for the government, just that he was a nixon insider. david was married to nixon’s daughter! and david was in the navy and so was woodward!”
“well, you’ve solved the greatest political mystery of our time.”
“yeah, there is more to learn though.”
last night i made the mistake of asking her how the political investigation was going. my brother-in-law, stinky, groaned as the question escaped my lips.
“i am reading all about hoover now.”
“why?”
“because he killed the kennedys and martin luther king jr.”
“he did?”
“yeah, he was a crazy bastard.”
“apparently.”
“think about it jodi. who was running againt nixon in 68? BOBBY. hoover had him killed. killed ’em both to get a republican in the whitehouse. hoover’s as crazy as nixon. if ford hadn’t pardoned nixon for watergate he would have gotten off on an insanity plea. before he left the whitehouse he thought the paintings were talking to him. he actually thoguht the painting of abe lincoln was talking to him!”
of course this whole diatribe is accompanied by an ever-increasing volume, hands waving and i think she even started to sweat. it was quite a sight to behold.
i asked her if she’d figure out what happened to hoffa, but she said finding out who deepthroat was took too much out of her.
“so do you have a bible” she asked me last night.
“yeah, i have that giant bible i bought at goodwill the year i was god for halloween.”
“could i use it?”
“umm, sure. why?”
“i am going to write an essay about how jesus would be a democrat and i need the bible to back it up.”
“oooooooooookkkkkkkkkk.”
ROFL. I guess it’s good to know that you’re not the only crazy one in your family. 😛
If she hasn’t watched the movie “Dick” have her watch it. It provides another angle on who Deep Throat is, plus it’s just so funny. I like Dawson Creek too, even though I’m a mature woman, so you’d probably like Dick even though it’s about teenagers, and you’re a maturing woman. We’re just still young at heart.
I know that it’s really Dawson’s Creek, but my server won’t let me go back without wiping out my whole message, it only takes me back to the previous page I was looking at, but not the previous page on this insert/overlap feature.
s Sa
I wonder who DeepThroat is as well. Tell your sister that someone will eventually die that had it written down somewhere or something, and then maybe she will be put at ease. I have heard although, that deepthroat could have been several people, not just one “tall man”
But if she is weird enough to get all upset about it, well than I guess she is weird enough to not care what anyone has to say. Who knows, maybe it is a very vital part to life we are all missing out on
I have good reason to believe that Alexander Haig is Deepthroat. Look into it closer and you might see why.
Other people are interested in Deepthroat? I am also. I read John Deans latest book as well as the deepthroat book by Len Garment. I also recently read All The Presidents Men and Silent Coup. I don’t know who throat is, but it has become an avocation of mine also. I thought that Haig seemed to fit perfectly at first but 1.He can prove he was not in town during a few throat/woodward meetings and 2. Woodward publicly and specifically ruled him out during his pres run in the ’80’s.Interesting – Dean and U. of Illinois research project basically narrow the list of candidates down to the same 4 or 5: Buchanon, Price, Ziegler, Ziegler’s assistant, Rose and maybe one or two others that escape my memory at this point. Any other deepthroat material you can recommend?
A know I think Deep Throat is Mark Felt. He is the prime suspect.