While ingesting my turkey sammich and snickers breakfast this morning, I went over the events of last night in my head. It was not pretty. Last night I sobbed and sobbed myself to sleep. I cried so hard that I had to throw one of the pillows on the floor; it was much too soggy to be of any use.

I can?t remember the last time I cried this hard. Usually, I am good for a few self-pitying tears at least once a week. But this was different. I was the story of a girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world. My eyes were faucets. I couldn?t stop. I just cried and cried and cried. I even did the whole hu-hu-hu-hu-huh, sounds. For awhile I wasn?t sure I?d ever quit.

Anyway, I am digesting my not-so-wholesome breakfast and remembering the tears from last night. Finally! I have stumbled on the reason I am still single. I hate being needy. Not just hate it, it?s like this all-consuming phobia type thing. whenever I ask for any sort of affection I berate myself endlessly for being weak. It?s really weird, because there isn?t wrong with wanting and asking for affection is there?

Somehow I have decided in my mind that one who needs to ask for affection isn?t worthy of it. Which it totally and utterly ridiculous. I don?t know where or why I decided that the entire planet should read my mind.

I just don?t get it.

But, today now that the histrionics are over and I can see clearly in the bright light of day, I feel better. I am gonna be ok, darling ones. I am pretty sure of it. I might still have to fight loneliness on occasion, well that?s going to be a given. I can?t give up that nasty habit overnight. But I am gonna try my best not to be so mean to me for wanting things and asking for them.

Remind me of this next time I have a hissy fit, ok??