Dear Matt Dillon,
By the time you read these lines, it will be over. I am so sorry. I never meant to end it this way, with a cheesy letter. But since you changed your phone number I haven’t been able to get a hold of you.
I still love you Matt. Nothing can change that, but I have found someone else to replace you as my celebrity crush of choice. I am sorry, it’s not Paul Westerberg. For a long time we both thought Mr. Westerberg would beat you out for the number one spot, but it just didn’t happen.
Oh Matt, this is so hard. I spent so many years fantasizing about you, watching movies because of you. It’s so hard to end a 16-year relationship. It started so innocently after watching ‘the outsiders.’ I fell hard when you were in that hospital bed and you said, ‘we gotta do it. We gotta do it for Johnny.’
Then there was Tex; Rumblefish and I even sat through little darlings. My feelings haven’t changed for beautiful girls. That’s still my all time favorite. Matt, we’ll always have beautiful girls. But despite my love for you, I couldn’t drag myself to ‘One Night at McCools.’ I just couldn’t do it. Recently I passed it on the shelf at the video store and I wasn’t even compelled to pick it up. That’s when I knew what I had to do.
Yes Matt, there is someone else, someone who has bumped you out of number 1. His name is John Cusack, perhaps you’ve heard of him. I went to view America’s Sweethearts, for John and John only. Do you see Matt? Do you see the power he holds over me? America’s Sweethearts, Matt! It was wretched, I know. But I saw it, and I am not ashamed. That’s what true celebrity crushdom is Matt. It draws you to the box office to see pure dreck. That’s what John and I are about.
Matt, Oh Matt, we’ll always have the outsiders and the replacements. My heart will always beat funny when I see you in that Husker Du T-shirt in beautiful girls. Nothing can change that Matt. But as sad as it is, as hard as it is for me, I have to go with John as my all time favorite. I hope you understand.