without a trace

as many of you may have surmised, THE BOY has disappeared. yes, THE BOY who made me grin mona lisa smiles and stay up chatting like a doof has *poof* gone somewhere. i am not sure what the deal is at all.

i am worried. it’s a myriad of worries. has something tragic happened? did someone he love die? did he die? is it something not so tragic? did his computer blow-up? is it something tragic only for me? does he just really genuinely not like me and cannot bear the thought of exchanging one more pixelated word with me?

mostly it’s just the curiosity that is driving me batty. i am not sure what happened and i just really, really want to know. i wish i could just easily sweep the whole thing out of my mind. but i’ve never been one to work like that. it will just slowly eat at me until i go mad.

regardles of what happened, it makes me sad. either something terrible has happened in his life or he has stopped being interested in me. . . both sad things, no?

this whole ordeal makes me ponder the tenuous nature of on-line relationships. not the lovey dovey, smoochy, schmoopy kinds of relationships. . . but any sort of relationship you have with someone you primarily know through the internet.

you, reading i will dare right now, you have a relationship with me. even though i might not be aware of you. you have invested time in getting to know me. that’s a relationship of sorts, an e-lationship if you will. i’ve all sorts of e-lationships. i enjoy them, they are fun and i get a chance to interact with all kinds of interesting people my world travels might never have given me the chance to encounter.

but when i get back to thinking of the tenuous nature of e-lationships it makes me sad. there are bunch of people who could easily *poof* disappear from my life and i wouldn’t have the first clue as to why or what happened. luckily, i’ve not experienced this before. this disappearance act by THE BOY, is a first in my life. usually people who lose interest sort of fade away. but this, it was so sudden and uncharacteristic. . i just can’t help but wonder.

so i am a little sad, great gobs of curious and mostly just frustrated at my utter helplessness. i am helpless to get it out of my mind and helpless to find out what has happened.


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  1. paige 09.Jun.01 at 11:59 am

    Oh dear, you sound just like ME!!!! I always assume the absolute worst when something inexplicable happens, but it’s with people I know in real life. Like my ex-boyfriend. When we first started dating, if he didn’t call when he said he was going to, then he’d either been in a wreck, had died, had relapsed, or had met the love of his life since the last time I’d spoken to him. Or he’d just decided that he hated me. And that was never the case, but there was usually a very good reason for the silence, or missed phone call, or whatever. Usually. I’m sorry you’re going through that, though – it’s hard to get out of.

  2. mickmars 09.Jun.01 at 4:42 pm

    i’m like no sleuth or nothin’, but i’d say it has something to do with the raccoon on your head.

  3. paige 09.Jun.01 at 6:02 pm

    is that like a monkey on your back?

  4. sc0tt 11.Jun.01 at 5:27 pm

    or batts in your belfrey?


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