hello darling ones. i am breaking one of my rules. never log onto the internet when you are inebriated. this is a rule that usually pretty easy for me to follow, because i don’t get a drunk a lot. but tonight, oh tonight, i am drunk, hammered, shit-faced and a few more euphemisims i can’t think of.
i am one of them annoying drunks that talks and talks and talks some more when they’ve had a bit too much to drink. i am one of those annoying drunks that calls people up in the middle of the late night to talk and tell them, “i am SO drunk.” i am one of them annoying drunk who has that stabbing drunk headache right behind her life eye. ouch.
at this moment i am so drunk and tired that i am typing with my eyes closed. i would surely call someone if i could find the phone and someone’s phone number. but right now it just feels really good to site here, with minimal movement, and have otto warm my lap.
so what is this special occasion you ask? my cousin jason got married. wooha! tonight the role of bitter, drunk single old woman was played by me. i did it wonderfully. i am not even kidding when i say that i was nearly a decade older than the entire wedding party. really, that’s not just comedic overgeneralization. jason, the groom, is only 20 years old. heidi, the bride, is 19. jodi, the single drunk bittergirl, is 28 (29 in 17 days). you do the math.
so i am drunk and i tried to take notes in my palm pilot, but people were making fun of me, so i stopped. sister #4 got her very first speeding ticket tonight. she’s the firt one out of all of us to ever get a speeding ticket. we are damn good drivers, us girls.
did i mention that i am drunk and bitter and single?
i dunno if i am really all that bitter. i did manage to keep all my opinions about people marrying young to myself. even though i do think it should be a crime for people ot get married when they are 20.
but that’s another story for another time. i think now that otto has, wait. . . i forgot to tell you. . i was cute tonight. i was adorable in cashmere baby blue and a flower in my hair. i was cute before the killians and the cheap free beer. i was damn cute today, even if i did look a little busty and sister #2 chided me for wearing a superman revealing shirt.
i think that will be all now. i really must go passout in my bed. my grown up bed, the bed that i bought because i am a single woman of the world and i don’t need a man to support me (even if i do want a man).
so ha! i was cute and fantastic and drunk tonight, but i got all the time in the world ot find me a man. don’t you think?
Jodi, you are the best. I am laughing my ass off right now, but we all still love you. Sounds like you had more fun than I did on this Saturday night.
Everyone needs one drunk entry. At most. I had one once, a long time ago…
I feel your pain! Just wait until you are 30 and still single and getting ready to buy a house! Was everyone at the wedding asking you the standard “When are you getting married?; Are you dating anyone?; “You are not getting any younger!”. The older I get the more I hate weddings; especially because it looks like I won’t be having one anytime soon!
P.S. LOVE your weblog; especially your entries about books. I am a booknerd also and will be happy to send you some titles to explore. Maybe you can form a Booknerd club!!
Oh, man, that was funny. I used to do the majority of web entries drunk a few years ago. Get home at 5 after tending bar and then sitting around with my coworkers drinking free booze and smoking pot. And then I’d go home to write. Mixed results, none nearly as amusing as this entry.
Mr. Future Jodi is a lucky man, girl.
In all the ways Hemmingway was a masculine drunk writer, you could be the strong feminine drunk writer: Jodi, The Woman’s Hemmingway.
I’d consider it a miracle if I could post drunk. Even were I to find the right keys to type, it would come out incoherent, no doubt. So I think you can claim to be a woman of many talents, Jodi, bitter single or not.
asd
wow…you’re really coherent when you’re drunk…i’m almost drunk / medium buzz and i really have to think about what i’m typing. dunno how i came across this page…but it’s nice to know other ppl sit on the computer when they’re drunk…
this is an amazing piece, that actually gives insight into your personality, im young. give me an email sometime … rfk@dartmouth.edu
yes, tonite i typed in ” i am drunk” into google…and i came to this site. woooz! i used to have a journal web log thing but…no..not anymore. maybe i should start again. anyways. your entry kept me entertained and i smiled slowly then laughed heh…thanks for tha…t.