oh god, not again. the loneliness and self-pity have overcome me on this fine tuesday night. i was just sitting here minding my own business, when bam! it hits. we will blame this on the onslaught of my menses, ok?
so i sit here alone with my loneliness. when you’re lonely you can do a pretty good job of beating yourself up. we are our own worst critics and all. i let a few pitiful tears slide from my eyes, pretty sure i will spend my life alone weeping for myself. i start to think that maybe some people (like me) are meant to journey this earth alone. maybe it’s a test of resolve, a show of independence, or a punishment for something i’ve done in another lifetime. then i get to thinking maybe if i was a little cuter, a little smarter, a little funnier, a little more interesting, maybe if i were a little more i wouldn’t be alone. if i were a little more something people would want to spend time with me. people wouldn’t forget me the minute i was out of sight.
but i am not a little more anything. i am just me. this crazy, lonely girl who posts too much information for strangers to read. this crazy, lonely girl who talks to herself much too often and sits alone on her couch wearing that damn barbed wire coat of neediness.
see, how bad i get? for awhile i let myself lick the wounds i’ve inflicted. but damnit that lonely, needy girl really pisses me off sometimes.
the saner, rational side of me is sick of the whiney, sniveling lonely brat. “buck up,” i say to myself. “everyone is sick of hearing you whine and not doing anything about it. quit yer bitching.”
but what i’ve realized is i don’t even know how to go about being unlonely anymore. since the whole reporterboy fiasco, i’ve been leery of chasing after anyone. what i need is a goddamn single friend. all my friends are married or otherwise coupled up. i need one single friend to hang out with and go to the movies with. to just generally hang out in public with. that’s what i need.
either that or i need a bitch.
Jodi, I go through the same darn thing. OFTEN. And you know what? I’m single! I’ll be your friend! Either that or I’ll be your bitch. I could do both!
Hey! We can have our own little lonely hearts club. Only rule I can think of is that only one of us can be REALLY down at a time, else the angst may be a bit thick…
Didn’t I once suggest something to you like Scott’s suggestion? I’m sure I did. I don’t think I could live by his rule though.
paige, i think the time has come for you andreaand i to go to lunch. we’re all here in the twin cities, it’s ridiculous that we haven’t done so yet. maybe when you get back from NC.
Hey, I agree! We three should get together and do something. Except I don’t fall into the single person category. But I promise I won’t talk about the Evil Munchkin too much. 🙂
you can talk about the evil munchkin, but only if you refer to him as “the evil munchkin with the doofy red shoes.”
hmm, it will be a challenge, but I’ll do my best 😉
a really anoying friend of mine… or maybe i should say former friend, used to say, “it’s one thing to be lonely, but it’s another thing to be alone.”
i’d vote for you getting a bitch though…
you wanna be my bitch? i am taking applications.
Ah, dear Jodi… I am also feeling low. I’m not lonely, but the material aspects of my life are more than a bit stressed as I am awaiting pay for the past seven weeks. My website is down for nonpayment, my phone is next and still I hang in there… I love my job and really want to stay with it (working from home, going to Hawaii, etc are all perks) but at some point I may have to go contracting. Unfortunately my resume is not accessible. Maybe I’ll set up a freeserver account somewhere.
I spent a good many years damned near crushed by lonliness and longing and suddenly found love when I was least expecting it. I am a believer and always was. This was really painful but is better than I’d dreamed.
Hang in there…
josh
i may be a whiny, lonely brat, but i am also an eternal optimist. someday, some boy will be lucky enough to get me and i will rock his world.
well come on.. what do you want then? a boy or a bitch?
and before you say it, no, they aren’t the same thing.
in the shortterm, i want a bitch. longterm, i’d love a boy.