tonight i am a four

tonight i am a four year old.

i went to bed early because my tummy hurt. i am not sure why, but i suspect it had something to do with the peanut m&ms and Hi-C fruit punch i had for dinner (note to self: must go grocery shopping). so, there i was snuggled up in bed with Infinite Jest (yes, still) at 9:00, lights were out by 10:00, i woke up crying and sweaty at 10:45. blech! i can’t for the life of me remember what it is i was dreaming about. i hate, hate, hate nightmares. they scare the bejeezes out of me and make me not want to go back to bed (even though i have a hurty tummy and i am so tried i can hardly keep my eyes open).

i am used to nightmares, i have them all the time. . . but these nocturnal episodes, they’re different. i have these things about every other month. i wake up crying and sweaty and petrified and with no memory of what’s upset me so much. they’re called night terrors and i was told a long time ago that when you dream something too upsetting your brain wakes you up. but that’s sorta selfish of the brain, to wake you up and not let you remember.

so, here i sit. wrapped in flannel and goosebumps, hoping that i will get just a little bit of sleep before i have to go to work tomorrow.

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