oof. i found this in owen’s archives. i wrote this last year around christmas. . . sadly it still holds true.

i love the holidays, i really do.

except. . .

on christmas eve night when we all gather together to open our presents. we take turns everyone opening one gift while the rest of the fam watches ohhhing and ahhhing.

it’s gobs of fun until eventually i run out of gifts. not because everyone is cheap or i got short changed or anything lame like that. i just run out of gifts because i don’t have a significant other. so the gift giving goes on while my sisters and mom get their special gifts from the men in their lives, then vice versa.

meanwhile i just sit in the corner with a fake smile plastered on my face, pretending it doesn’t bother me in the least. sitting there i wish the floor would open up and take me away before the inevitable old maid comment. inevitably one of my sisters will make the comment and everyone will have a good hearty laugh and i will chuckle amicably.

“maybe next year,” someone always says.

all i can muster is a faint, “yeah.” because i know if that fake smile even cracks a little bit the torrent of tears will begin and might never stop.

it’s the lonliest moment of the entire year for me. even worse than standing alone at new years with no one to kiss.