Walter is curled up on the couch next to me, he’s leaning against my left leg and I keep taking my hands off the laptop so I can pet him and tell him how much I love his butt. I’d do the same to Sully, but he’s crashed out in a nest of blankets on the other couch.

Speaking of Sully, wanna hear another story about how smart he is?

On Thursday, he kept bugging Ben as he installed a new doorknob. We’ve taken to calling the dog Sully Kravitz because he’s the nosiest. In an attempt to get Sully Kravitz to leave Ben alone I asked him to go get his dragon. Usually the dragon is in the blanket nest Sully has made in front of the TV, but for some reason he had left Draggy in the windowsill where he likes to perch when keeping an eye on the neighborhood.

“Sully, go get your dragon,” I said, and he ran to the blanket nest. “Nope. It’s up there,” I said pointing to the window, not holding out much hope he’d figure it out since Draggy was hidden behind Ben’s coat.

But damnit if he didn’t figure it out.

The post Day 138 of 200: Sully Kravitz the Smartest Dog Here appeared first on I Will Dare.

I officially ruined Thanksgiving at 2:08 p.m. when I quizzed my libertarian, Trump-voting nephew a little too severely for his tastes and he went upstairs to his bedroom not to return until well after dinner had been served and cleaned up.

For the record, I did feel awful and volunteered to go home so he could enjoy the holiday with the rest of the family. And I’m only a little pissed that I made the offer because emotional labor and male privilege and women’s work, etc.

This all happened well before my parents arrived at Sister #2’s house. Once they got settled in, my dad said, “Where’s your brother?”

“He’s right here,” I said, petting Sully who was sitting on the back of the love seat next to my shoulder.

Jaycie and my sisters immediately burst into laughter.

“What?” I asked. “They are brothers.”

“He wasn’t talking to Walter,” my sister spit out between gulps of laughter that brought her to tears. Apparently my dad was not talking to Walter who was standing near my dad, but rather to my niece sitting next to him.

We spent the rest of the night arguing if Sully and Walter were brothers or not.

The post Day 122 of 200: The Brothers appeared first on I Will Dare.

Me: sits down on couch after going to the bathroom.
Walter & Sully: stand in front of me tails wagging awaiting food.
Me: “Stop it, ya bastards. You don’t get to eat every single time I stand up.”

Me, 30 minutes later, makes an extra hot dog so Walter and Sully can split one of their own and not eat any of mine.

Scene: I’m making a ridiculous and so-not-worth-the-effort no-knead, slow-rise garlic and cheddar bread that involves preheating my Dutch oven in a 450 degree oven. Also, you should know, my smoke detectors lose their shit whenever I open the oven door and it’s set to anything higher than 400.

Me: opens oven door and the smoke detector starts to shriek.
Sully: loses his shit and runs barking upstairs, comes down stairs, runs back up, and comes back down.
Me: shuts the oven door and then waves an oven mitt at smoke detector to get it to stop. I come out into the living room to find that in his panic Sully has brought down a pair of dirty underpants and one sock. NOTE: these are not the same underpants and sock that he has added to his blanket nest in my bedroom.

The post Day 103 of 200: Scenes from a Weekend appeared first on I Will Dare.

I had a bowl of chicken noodle soup for dinner 15 minutes ago and I think it was laced with something. As I type I can barely keep my head up and my eyes open. In fact, I’m popping my eyes open as wide as I can to keep myself from dozing right here with ol’ Sully curled up right next to me all cozy and cute.

Speaking of, I’ve decided that anyone who includes the sound of a doorbell in their commercial or TV show is my new arch-nemesis. If I didn’t already have a lifetime moratorium on shopping at Walmart I’d vow right now to never shop there again. Not only do they sponsor a lot of programming on Hulu, the stupid commercial involves a doorbell that makes the dogs think someone is invading the castle.

I was trying to watch “King of the Hill” this afternoon and not only did the show have a doorbell in it, the segment of the episode featuring the doorbell was bookended by that Walmart commercial. Also, Stinky Big Truck decided to come home. It was 20 minutes of solid barking. I wanted to tie them both to a tree in the front yard.

The post Day 101 of 200: Stop With the Doorbells Makers of TV Stuff appeared first on I Will Dare.

I’m of the belief that being a non-custodial pet owner is the best deal in town. I get Walter & Sully about every other weekend. It’s enough time for me to get in a lot of dog cuddles and playing, and just about when I’m fed up with dragging their furry asses out to pee first thing on a cold morning they’re on their way home with their real people.

The best part is our bedtime routine. After a quick spin down the block, we come home and go upstairs to bed. Sully checks the windows while I pee and brush my teeth. Walter jumps right onto the guest bed in the guest bedroom which he has claimed for his own.

Once I crawl into bed and start to get comfy I say “Sully, go lay down.” He does the weird dog paw and circle in a little nest he’s made with a random blanket and some weird pillow cases I don’t like. Then once he’s settled in I say, “Good boy, I love you.” And because I don’t want Mr. Too Good to Sleep in the Same Room As Us I say into the dark, “I love you too, Walter.”

The post Day 89 of 200: Weekends with Walter & Sully appeared first on I Will Dare.