Hey Darling Ones,

It’s surprisingly hard to feel good about yourself when you’re not able to make enough money to support yourself. Not impossible, just difficult. I blame capitalism and the patriarchy. To be fair, those two along with racism are to blame for most problems.

Since I’ve made $0.00 so far this year I’m struggling with what exactly the point of me is, which is sad in more ways than one. Was the point of me pre-stroke to make websites for people and pay the mortgage? How gross.

Now that I’m disabled and unable to work enough to support myself I need to figure out what I want from my time left on Earth. Before the stroke I was too busy working, surviving, and feeling bad about living up to my potential.

One thing I have managed to figure out is that I don’t want to spend any more of my life feeling bad about myself. So, I’ve found new things to feel good about.

These things usually fall under the umbrella of “spinstering.” These are activities that I’ve decided are extra spinstery (reading*, crocheting, talking to my cats, etc.)

On days when I spinster hard I feel extra good about myself. Like maybe the point of me is to do stuff that makes me happy?

Today I spinstered my ass off.

• Made no-knead bread dough for tomorrow’s Easter Dinner.

Prepared most of the mise en place for aforementioned dinner.

• Repotted ALL of the Sadness Garden while
• listening to Careless People by Sarah Wynn-Williams.
• Ate a healthy salad for dinner.

It doesn’t sound like much, but between unpotting, repotting, and clean up, the Sadness Garden was a multi-hour endeavor.

Now I’m plum tuckered out and pretty satisfied even though I didn’t earn a dime.

Pointlessly yours,
Jodi

P.S. I cleared up SO much space on the Sadness Garden cart that I can get more plants. Feel free to send me some cute ones!

 

*I exclusively listen to audiobooks now because the distorted vision makes reading a book with my eyes too difficult.

The post How I Feel Good About Myself Even Though I’m Making $0.00 appeared first on I Will Dare.

Hi Darling Ones,

My Aunt Tete died on June 16th — nine months to the day that her younger brother, my dad, died.

Even though Sister #2 was briefly here last week for the funeral, I did not attend. I’m not ready to display my stroke-addled carcass to the world.

Sister #2 talked about how weird it was to be in that space with so many people missing. Of the 10 siblings in my dad’s family, only two remain.

I’m sad I didn’t get to attend the funeral and mourn my aunt with my cousins, her many nieces and nephews.

While she probably didn’t call herself a spinster, Aunt Tete was the OG spinster aunt in my life. She forged the path I followed, though it took her death for me to recognize it.

Aunt Tete was fiercely independent, living on her own until she entered hospice the week she died. She was quite fond of saying, “I do what I want.” And this line from her obituary can be copied and pasted into mine,“Terese’s legacy of speaking her mind will continue to inspire us to be true to ourselves and to stand up for what we believe in, just as she did throughout her life.”

Though she never had children of her own, Aunt Tete helped raise a bunch of her niblings. She did, in fact, raise my cousin Christopher when his mom was unable to. She was a grandma to Chris’ kids.

My Aunt Tete was liberal as hell, which seems at odds with her devout Catholicism. It’s not. She was the kind of Christian who actually read the bible. As her priest said at her funeral, she lived a life of faith and generosity.

And, as my sister said, that’s a hell of a legacy to leave behind.

Love,
Jodi

The post In Praise of Spinster Aunts appeared first on I Will Dare.

Dear Darling Ones,

When I stepped out into the cloudy afternoon light from the darkness of a mid-afternoon nap, I had only two things on my mind: people who are wrong on the internet and people who are puzzling on social media.

I am the physical embodiment of the xkcd comic. I loathe letting people be wrong on the internet. There was a time in the distant past where I would not allow that to happen on my watch. I’ve spent probably years of my life correcting people on the internet. It’s an offshoot of dying on all the hills.

Right now I accidentally read a comment on an article where someone said, “Sorry, Poland. You’re in Eastern Europe. Just because you’re insecure about it doesn’t change history and geography.” And I’m all THE FUCK IT DOES. Poland has always been in central Europe and just because US History and Geography classes have failed you, dumbass commenter, doesn’t make Poland Eastern Europe. Consult a map, numbskull.

There, I feel much better now.

Now onto the puzzling thing. I’ve been thinking about this for much longer than it warrants, and yet my brain can’t let it go. I’m also willing to admit that my annoyance with this phenomenon is due to me being an aging asshole. And yet, and yet, I just want someone to explain things to me.

Here’s what’s been stuck in my craw lately: ladies, usually thin, white, and pretty, who record themselves talking to their phones all the time and then post stories on Instagram (and probably TikTok) about how quirky/funny they, their husbands, and/or their children are. Usually these videos involve a short set-up, a punchline, and then the woman looking at the camera like Jim Halpert from The Office.

What is this? What is the point? I really cannot figure it out.

• Is it an attempt to be relatable because the person feels like maybe they’re famous?
• Is it an attempt to be actually famous?
• Is it an extension of personal branding (barf)?
• Is it an attempt to be likable so people will fall under your influence and/or buy whatever it is you’re selling?
• Is it weird performative nonsense meant to foster some sort of community that doesn’t mean to come off as phony and contrived but totally does?
• Is it the continued evolution of wine mom culture and that’s why I don’t get it?

Perhaps they really want to share genuine pieces of themselves in an attempt to feel less alone in this crumbling empire. I get that, because same.

It’s just really hard to come off as genuine when there are fifteen other videos almost exactly like yours covering the same topics in the same manner by people who look pretty similar to you. Maybe the problem isn’t so much that so many people do this, maybe it’s that they’re bad at it.

There’s one woman I follow on Instagram who has done this sort of talking to her phone’s camera for ages, but it’s genuine and wholly original. It’s literally her riffing into the camera about whatever’s on her mind.

This comes off more judgmental than it should. I’m mostly curious about their motivations more than anything else. I always want to know what someone’s end goal in doing something is. My end goal is to be beloved by dozens and for some devilishly handsome tallish man to be so charmed by my words he sends me an email and then we fall in love the old-fashioned way, through electronic correspondence.

I’m also curious behind what motivates people on Twitter to steal someone’s two-week-old joke and try to play it off as their own. Also, plagiarists in general fascinate me as do con people. Also, men who only surround themselves with art made by men and does it feel kind of homoerotic to them for doing so? Also, most everyone all the time about anything.

Anyway, this has been what’s been swirling around in my brain this weekend. This, and how I think I’ve already unlocked the secret of #BarsOfSummer (1 cup sugar + 1 cup light corn syrup + any sort of thing you want to stick together in bar form).

Contemplatively yours,
Jodi

The post An Attempt to Feel Less Alone in This Crumbling Empire appeared first on I Will Dare.

Hi Darling Ones,

Moments before I started typing this I found myself vociferously singing along to a cover of U2’s “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.” This surprised me because I fucking hate U2. Like a lot. A lot. A lot. A lot. U2, Arcade Fire, Dawes, and Radiohead can all take a flying leap as far as I’m concerned. If none of their songs (except for “Creep” never desecrated my ears again I would be the better for it.

But Jodi Chromey Supergenius, you might ask, how can you sing along to a song you hate? Why do you even know all the words? Because I was alive in 1987. U2 lyrics were injected right into the memories of eighties teenagers. It was the precursor to when they injected that one U2 album into all our iPhones or was it our iPods?

Anyway, I’m happy to report I’m slowly recovering from the Thanksgiving fallout trauma. I’m still super sad and a little bit angry about the whole thing, but I’m doing my best to stop thinking about it because I’m starting to bore myself. Along with not thinking about it, I’ve decided to take the high road.

Taking the high road sucks, because nobody ever sees you up there. However, the Tea Ladies have promised to cheer me on as I trek through Christmas with a rictus grin up on the high road. My motto for the rest of the year is, “it’ll be fine.”

Oh, and the other thing I was going to tell you was about how I’m currently addicted to microwave kettle corn smothered in Everything but the Elote seasoning. I eat it at least once a week. I’m going through a real popcorn thing for the last, oh, five years. Why is that shit so delicious? I just bought, for myself, one of those Target barrels with the regular, cheese, and caramel popcorn.

The one thing I do whenever I make microwave popcorn, which i know is awful for me and is probably gonna giver me cancer right along with the bluetooth cans I keep strapped to my head eight hours a day, is shake the unpopped kernels & old maids out of the bag. Then I make a joke, out loud, to myself, while eating the old maids. I say in my darkened kitchen, “Solidarity for old maids! we all deserve to be eaten.”

I crack myself up,
Jodi

The post At Least I Find Myself Amusing appeared first on I Will Dare.

Hello Darling Ones,

You should know that I just scraped macaroni & cheese residue off the sleeve of my shirt with my thumbnail. I had macaroni and cheese for dinner last night (homemade and there was broccoli* in there too because I am a grown up). I cannot remember the last time I showered but my hair doesn’t hurt yet and I’m not stinky, so it must have been in the recent past.

I do know I’ve been wearing this shirt since Friday, which is a little astounding considering it’s kinda white. It’s the only white shirt I have because I frequently drop stuff I am eating on my chest. I like to wear this shirt with a black bra because it makes me feel like a sexy renegade and also most of the bras I’m willing to wear are black.** If you ever see me wearing the whiteish shirt with the burgundy sleeves you will know that I’m feeling like a sexy renegade that day. That information is probably not useful, but I wanted you to know it. Put it in your envelope of Jodi Chromey Fun Facts.

Another thing you should knows it that I frequently tweet #SpinsterUpdates on Twitter. These updates are usually about whatever I am doing and range from the absurd to the pathetic. I’m a lot of fun on Twitter. Last week my friend Kurtis said he envied my spinster lifestyle and that he wanted to be a spinster when he grew up. Wanna know why? Because I’m a marketing genius and my rebrand is working.

Right now I’m gonna share with you a very special Sunday morning (though it is afternoon now) #SpinsterUpdate.

This morning I got up and was ravenous. Not so ravenous that I didn’t roll around in bed for like an hour before getting dressed, but ravenous enough that my usual peanut butter bagel & apple wasn’t gonna cut it. So, I made some pretty epic breakfast burritos. Breakfast is my favorite of all the food groups and Mexican flavors are my favorite of all the flavors. I coat as much food as possible in Tajin*** and Tapatio.

It snowed something like 2 or 26 inches yesterday. Today, however, it’s bright and sunshiney. I sat on the couch with my breakfast burritos smothered in smashed avocado and the two Ts with the sun in my eyes. I turned on Lydia Loveless’ record “Somewhere Else” and I talked about books on Twitter with my pals.

As I was drinking my coffee, squinting out at the sun, and singing out loud to “To Love Somebody” I thought for numerous hot minutes in a row, if this is going to be my life forever, I can do this. If my life is going to be spent eating breakfast burritos alone while I talk about art with people I’m fond of and scratch down writing ideas in my planner and drink coffee in the sunshine while listening to good music, that will be okay. I mean, it’s not ideal, but I can do that.

While I’m on the topic, I want to point out how much I love and fear Loveless’ song. It’s a song about wanting just a little, maybe. Maybe? To me it’s about my personal struggle between that line from Perks of Being a Wallflower, “We accept the love we think we deserve” and thinking, well I don’t need very much.

Do I want so little from a romantic partner because that’s all I think I deserve? Or do I want so little because that is what I actually want?

I do know with 100% certainty I want to be on your mind. Who “you” is changes frequently, but it’s pretty safe to assume it is you. I want to be on all the minds all the time. Fucking Willie Nelson’s too.

But if nothing changes and I remain a lonely 6’5″ Spinster Goddess I’ll be okay with that. At least for today. Tomorrow might be a whole different story.

Quixotically yours,
Jodi

 
*If you can eat, think of, or do anything regarding broccoli without singing “Chopping Broccoli” well, you are not me, because I cannot do that.
 
**I have many colorful bras. They are pretty and uncomfortable so I never wear them. We’ve been through this before.
 
***This is probably the best thing I got out of my last relationship, learning about Tajin. I gave them Jason Isbell and they gave me this delicious spice blend. I think I won on this front, at least I hope I did. It is my heart’s fondest desire that they cannot listen to “Cover Me Up” without thinking of me. I eat Tajin all the damn time without thinking of them.

The post The COVID Diaries: Sundays, Spinsters & Sexy Renegades appeared first on I Will Dare.