is it ok to wear concert t shirts to concerts?
No. Unless, of course, you want to be made fun of, then go for it.

names of clothes designers for movie sex and the city?
See Vanity Fair’s round-up of all the brands included in Sex in the City

why hate nicholas sparks?
Because he writes boring, cliched, predictable books.

what does my true love give to me of the first day of christmas
A partridge in a pear tree

who wrote the song the reason why god made a girl
Prince did.

what do short girls mean when they say they don’t date tall guys?
It means that they don’t date tall guys, as in they will not date them, have no interest in dating them. Got it?

my penis whole is red what does that mean?
Two things.
1. Call a doctor
2. Learn the difference between whole and hole

In coward of the county is becky raped?
Yes, by the Gatlin boys. There were three of them.

What are the funniest books ever written?
Funny you should ask. Please see Funny Fiction Part I and Part II

Book club questions for candy girl by diablo cody
Why does her boyfriend not care at all that she spent a year as a sex worker?
What is the real reason she decided to become a stripper?
How is it that she manages to be the only “normal, well-adjusted” stripper in the bunch and what does that mean to her?
Why did this book give me a headache?

will you be my sugardaddy?
No, will you be mine?

what is a doggybag in sexual terms?
I have no idea, but I am too scared to look.

The post Answering the Googlers’ Questions VIII: Too preoccupied for real content edition appeared first on I Will Dare.

are there any songs with the name jodi in them?
Heck yeah.
Rattlesnakes by Lloyd Cole + the Commotions
Jody by America
Jodi by The Dodos
Jody Sings by Masters of Reality

what does rufus wainwright think of billy joel?
I am sure he loves him. Who doesn’t love Billy Joel?

who sings why cant i breathe whenever i think about you?
Liz Phair

what was my horoscope in 1994?
A lie.

why did cormac mccarthy leave out the apostrophes in the road?
Because he’s a dink.

Do you date girl same or shorter than you but ugly or beautiful but taller than you?
You should not date because very clearly you’re kind of a shallow prick.

would you date shorter men?
Yes.

song put on my blue suede shoes who sang it?
Marc Cohn

do men like girls who wear glasses?
Uh, yeah. Haven’t you heard everyone with a penis go on and on and on and on about their Tina Feytish?

Is and then we came to the end a memoir?
It’s not a memoir, it’s crap.

why are men so quick to hurt you?
Because a lot of me are kind of emotionally clueless.

What is the take it easy baby song from the silence of the lambs?
I only know this because Peabo told me “American Girl” by Tom Petty was in that movie.

should you start a sentence with a verb?
Not unless you are a marketing wonk.

will mike doughty go out with me?
No. He’s too busy trying to figure out that he wants to go out with me.

what are you going to do kill me with a spoon?
Yeah.

who sings im just a teenage dirtbag?
Wheatus

The post Answering the Googlers’ Questions VI: People sure are curious about tall women appeared first on I Will Dare.

How do you know how tall your gonna be
The doctors can measure the spaces between your bones when you’re a kid. I guess that gives them some indication of how tall you’re gonna be. When I was 12 and six-feet tall the doctor told me not to worry because I’d stop growing when I started menstruating. TOTAL LIE! I grew four inches after that blessed occasion.

What does super target have?
Groceries, deodorant, and everything else you could possibly need or want. For everything else, there’s Amazon.com.

What is a hootenany?
1. The second full-length album by The Replacements
2. a social gathering or informal concert featuring folk singing and, sometimes, dancing.

Who sings the Sweet Valley High theme song
Kathy Fisher

Do men find tall women attractive
Allegedly.

Who dated Darryl Hanna in the 80’s
Er, you mean besides Jackson Browne?

why get a cow when you can get the milk for free?
Because you’re hungry for a tasty hamburger.

Why is it hard for tall women to date?
I am not sure. I do have a theory though. Of course. When you grow up being taller than everyone else and sticking out above the crowd, you spend all your time sure that everyone is looking at you all the time. Why do you think that? Because people are rude and will point and stare. It’s unnerving and embarrassing.

It makes you chant “please don’t notice me, please don’t notice me” over and over in your head. You learn to cultivate a haughty and I’m above you plebians air, because crying isn’t an option when you’re at the mall and being pointed at.

I think this haughtiness can be off-putting and depending on the dude can be read any number of ways — snobby, cold, arrogant, you name it.

Also, I think there is a lot of hardwired societal things wrapped up in height. Men are supposed to be strong and big and tall. Women are supposed to be small and petite. It really fucks with your head when you’re taller than all the men you know (well, except for Wolfdogg and the TTHM, but well, you know) and you have to spend a lot of time rethinking what your definitions of what masculine and feminine are.

Do girls have a taint?
Yes, yes they do.

What are the benefits to being a meteorologist?
There are many. You would be the first to know when it was gonna rain. You could become a weather terrorist and hold the TV station hostage when it thunders. You could meet Sven Sundgaard the pocket-meteorologist.

What day is jun 6th 1985?
A Thursday, also my 13th birthday.

Who will recoup a big fat mercedes?
Rob Gordon, the Rob Gordon.

Why are the homies dissing my girl?
I don’t know. Why do they gotta front?

The post Answering the Googlers’ Questions IV: There is no talk about penises this time appeared first on I Will Dare.

In the meantime, I would like to take this time to answer some of the Googler’s questions. Just call me altruistic.

difficulties of eating fruit?
I only find two difficulties — juicy apples that drip all over your chest and the phallicness of bananas.

why does the chest hurt during heartbreak?
I am not sure why. I think it might be a psychosomatic thing. Unless you were kicked in the chest while getting your heartbroken, there’s nothing I can think of that would cause the physical pain in the chest. I do know, however, that I have felt it too.

does nicholas sparks suck
Yes, yes he does. Mightily.

beautiful beautiful cole movie
Mr. Holland’s Opus. It will make you cry.

why don’t you just set me free
Because I would be lonely without you.

how to get over dating a man shorter than you
Just remember this: nobody thinks about you half as much as you think they do. We’re all too wrapped up in ourselves to really spend all that much time thinking about that tall girl dating a shorter guy. Just enjoy the time you spend with someone who makes you happy.

is this how you spend saturday night?
No. This is how I spend a Sunday night (oh and watching/listening to “Kinsey”).

how to make your bitchy fiancee not bitchy
I have no idea. I’ve never been engaged. But this search cracked me up. Good luck!

the saddest movies ever made
Dancer in the Dark, Hotel Rwanda, My Girl, Shakespeare in Love, and that all I can think of off the top of my head.

where is paul westerberg’s childhood house
South Minneapolis, I believe. Are you gonna drive by?

how not to freak out about being 35 and unmarried
I find making constant jokes about your uterus drying up and falling out in front of your friends and then having your friend remind you that it’s gonna be okay most helpful.

does bea arthur have a penis
No.

The post Answering the Googlers’ Questions III: The too much wine last night edition appeared first on I Will Dare.

What’s the illusion song from South Park Guitar Hero?
Carry on My Wayward Son by Kansas

Why does a person tell you that they need a break and then later tell you that they love you?
Because they are afraid and confused. At least that’s my best guess.

How tall is charlotte gainsbourg?
I do not know. I just spent 20 minutes trying to find out. Her half-sister Lou is 5’9″ and her mom is 5′ 8 1/2″. Charlotte is quite a bit taller than her husband. That’s all I got, no numbers. Sorry.

What’s the i will be your long lost pal song?
You Can Call me Al, by Paul Simon

How to get a tattoo to stop itching
I would always slap at/pat mine, it helped. I think.

Percentage of tall women that will date short men?
In this house? 100%. In the world, I’d go with 50%.

Does cold eeze work?
No.

A&P john updike right decision?
Oh hell yes he made the right decision. He might not have seen it at the time, but walking out of the A&P was absolutely the right thing to do.

fine for impersonating a doctor
According to Pop Up Videos, the definitive source for all legal questions, it’s $5000.

What should i get my canadian boyfriend?
A blow job. He’ll love it.

What are the lyrics to girl in the blue dress by Mike Doughty?
My best guess, minus the bar-rump-pa-ba-dum-dums and the na na na na nas is this:
Frat boys gone to dogs
Crawling and sparring
Blue girl dance for me
The empty floor and I think

I love your baby fat
Your crooked nose is where it’s at

And I assess the essence of the mess
The perfect hourglass of my loneliness, yes
and I, uh, don’t care to count my chances
I just want the girl in the blue dress to keep dancing

What is this happiness?
It was not ever thus

I will prevail for you
Behind the mic I’m burning to

And, yeah I’m just a zip code man
Forgot my house and I’ll stay in if I can
I don’t care to keep my defenses (chances?)
I just want the girl in the blue dress to keep on dancing

And I assess the essence of the mess
The perfect hourglass of my happiness, yes
and I don’t care to count my chances
I just want the girl in the blue dress
I just want the girl in the blue dress
I just want the girl in the blue dress to keep dancing

The post A special Thanksgiving episode of Answering the Googlers Questions appeared first on I Will Dare.