My new favorite treat are juicy and delicious Pink Lady apples. I like the snap from my teeth crunching into its pink yumminess. However, I may have to give up the apples or cut off my breasts. It seems that without fail whenever I eat an apple, it drips apple spooj all over the front of my shirt. Since I am a woman with rather ampleish bosoms, the spooj lands all over the tops of my breasts. It looks like I’m either drooling on myself or that I’ve sprung a leak. I’m not a fan of either scenario.
So here’s my question, how do you ample-bosomed women eat apples without getting crap all over yourself? Am I just a neandrethal?
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Either tasty appley slices or I just lean really far over my desk with a napkin to catch the juice.
in reality, I usually avoid slicing the apple myself because I’m accident prone. Which is when the whole napkin & desk method comes into play.
napkin bib.
i thought about the slices but dismissed it for two reasons:
1. slicing, knives, it’s almost like cooking
2. i kind of like the savage, sensual feel of eating an apple without utensils
Though my bosoms may not qualify as ample, I generally eat an apple a day with my take-to-work lunch (I’m a fuji apple guy, btw). I frequently slobber on myself with those things (apples). And, my fingers get all sticky. And, AND since I often spend my lunch at my desk surfing, my office keyboard and mouse can get sticky.
I need like seven napkins when I eat an apple. I have one tucked in my collar, one in the apple-holding hand (to keep the juice from running down that arm), one in the other hand (for chin/moustache mop ups after every single freaking bite), and then four more to replace those who in active duty become so saturated that they require replacement.
My theory is that the ?modern day? apple has been genetically engineered and reengineered, and reengineered, and so-on such that the juice-drip factor is totally beyond control.
Plus, I tend to be a total slob when I eat anyway, and that just aggravates things. But my apple engineering theory, that?s the main reason I make a mess of myself with them all the time.
we should have a boob-off to determine who has the best rack, because i too feel like i have the biggest boobs on the planet.
the only thing that i can come up with is – smaller bites – while still savage, get in touch with your “inner” pink lady – or switch to applesauce.
You need one of those apple corer things. You know, that circular metal thing that slices your apple in one swell swoop. Or do I only know of this contraption because I am a domestic diva who won’t take the time to peel and slice her kid’s apples with a regular knife?
You don’t like apple jizz on your shirt? Take it off. DUH.
Some man will be happy to lick it off you I am sure.
Hope you are not offended by my suggestion.
“we should have a boob-off to determine who has the best rack, because i too feel like i have the biggest boobs on the planet.”
How is it that I am the first to comment with a “Yes, with photos, please”?
yes, a boob off would be good.
clearly UH is on vacation.
I would suggest a man to catch said juice before it spills on your endowments. Failing to catch it, it would simply need to be licked off.
And I think UH had a stroke when he read about the boob-off…
I’m sure he’ll wash his hands afterwards and join in the conversation soon.
Ok so tempting as it is to jump on the boob bandwagon, let me say this:
How is eating an apple so messy and complicated!? Banana: easy. Apple: easy. I’ve never made a mess on myself from eating an apple. Orange: messy.
Yeah, off with the tops & on with the boob-off please.