I hosted Rock and Roll Bookclub at my house last night. I drank so much wine and laughed so hard that I hurt something. I am not sure what, but something. After two naps, I think I might survive.

In the meantime, I would like to take this time to answer some of the Googler’s questions. Just call me altruistic.

difficulties of eating fruit?
I only find two difficulties — juicy apples that drip all over your chest and the phallicness of bananas.

why does the chest hurt during heartbreak?
I am not sure why. I think it might be a psychosomatic thing. Unless you were kicked in the chest while getting your heartbroken, there’s nothing I can think of that would cause the physical pain in the chest. I do know, however, that I have felt it too.

does nicholas sparks suck
Yes, yes he does. Mightily.

beautiful beautiful cole movie
Mr. Holland’s Opus. It will make you cry.

why don’t you just set me free
Because I would be lonely without you.

how to get over dating a man shorter than you
Just remember this: nobody thinks about you half as much as you think they do. We’re all too wrapped up in ourselves to really spend all that much time thinking about that tall girl dating a shorter guy. Just enjoy the time you spend with someone who makes you happy.

is this how you spend saturday night?
No. This is how I spend a Sunday night (oh and watching/listening to “Kinsey”).

how to make your bitchy fiancee not bitchy
I have no idea. I’ve never been engaged. But this search cracked me up. Good luck!

the saddest movies ever made
Dancer in the Dark, Hotel Rwanda, My Girl, Shakespeare in Love, and that all I can think of off the top of my head.

where is paul westerberg’s childhood house
South Minneapolis, I believe. Are you gonna drive by?

how not to freak out about being 35 and unmarried
I find making constant jokes about your uterus drying up and falling out in front of your friends and then having your friend remind you that it’s gonna be okay most helpful.

does bea arthur have a penis
No.