Re: Your Stroke

Dear JusticeIs21@protonmail.com, It was great to wake up to your email this morning, August 6, 2023. Exactly five months ago today, on March 6, 2023 I woke up feeling wrong, the right side of my body kinda wonky. I’d learn later that day that I had a Cardio Vascular Accident (CVA), what is commonly called a stroke. Part of me feels badly for you. No one deserves a wallop of…

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23 & Me & You & I Will Dare

Hi Darling Ones, If you’ve had any experience with toddlers, you’re probably familiar with the “I can do it myself” phase. This is where the toddler wants to do it themselves. It can be anything from putting on their own socks to zipping up their coat. Usually this takes way more time and tears than if the toddler just accepted some help with the task. I’ve always been a big…

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Becki’s Brain was Jerkier Than Mine

Hi Darling Ones, On Saturday I logged into Facebook, something I don’t do too often, to find a woman I graduated high school with had died. The Blaine class of 1990 has lost many Bengals in the 33 years since we graduated. This one, though, hit me hard. I didn’t know Becki well, which is not surprising since our class included 650+ kids. However, I knew of Becki since she…

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On Slim Dunlap & the Financial Realities of a Stroke

Oh Darling Ones, Today I got my mind on my money and my money on my mind. I started the day tweeting about the Slim Dunlap family moving sale and ended it losing another client. Fuck. On both counts. If you’re not a ‘Mats person, Slim Dunlap took over for Bob Stinson. Slum suffered a stroke in 2012. Maybe you remember the whole “Songs for Slim” thing circa 2013. Slim…

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Special Guest Star Syndrome

Dear Darling Ones, Sometimes I feel like a special guest star in an 80s sitcom. You know, the plucky, sassy character with some kind of health-related issue. The one with a positive, nothing’s gonna keep me down attitude. She’s always quick with a witty quip about her condition. Think Cousin Geri from “Facts of Life” or Arnold’s friend Kathy on “Diff’ent Strokes.” She’s there to show you that everything can…

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Stroke Me Day 122: Goddamn Job

Dear Darling Ones, It would be more poetic if I had my first outpatient Occupational Therapy appointment today instead of yesterday. Today marks four months since I had the stroke. My stroke? A stroke? Four months and I still don’t know how to refer to it as anything besides hot garbage. The symmetry of dates would have added extra significance to sitting next to BFK at St. Francis again, exactly…

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In Praise of Spinster Aunts

Hi Darling Ones, My Aunt Tete died on June 16th — nine months to the day that her younger brother, my dad, died. Even though Sister #2 was briefly here last week for the funeral, I did not attend. I’m not ready to display my stroke-addled carcass to the world. Sister #2 talked about how weird it was to be in that space with so many people missing. Of the…

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What Happens When the Novelty Wears Off?

Dear Darling Ones, My new biggest fear is what’s going to happen to me when the novelty of my condition wears off. We’re closing on four months since the stroke, and I’m worried people are going to tire of helping me. And I still need so much help. Nobody in my life has expressed to me in any way they are annoyed by my needs, but it’s still on my…

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30 Years in Exile

Hey Darling Ones, Last night I started Monsters: A Fan’s Dilemma by Claire Dederer and it’s giving me fizzy, Pop Rocks brain in the best way. This is wonderful because I’m bored to death of anxious prairie dog brain, which involves my inner-monologue shouting,”EVERYTHING IS WRONG IN HERE” every 42 seconds lest I forget I had a stroke and my body is now composed of floppy scoops and lead. I’m…

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Floaters

Hi Darling Ones, I am very cranky today. This says a lot, because my normal demeanor includes a lot of low-level crankiness. Today, it’s extra super very. Can I list off all my reasons for crank? Of course I can. This is my website. I can do what I want. I’m not gonna though. All the things making me grouchy are the average things that make everyone grouchy. Broke. Busy….

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