Easily Influenced

Hi Darling Ones, I hold great disdain for influencer culture. Just hearing or reading the term “social media influencer” instantly activates my sneer reaction. One of my favorite pastimes is judging influencers and the ding-dongs influenced by them. I love to do this while sitting on my throne up here on Mount Haughty in my glass house. For real though, my most recent resolution is to stop listing to anything…

Read More

Back on My Bullshit, This Time With New Glasses

So, Darling Ones, it’s confession time. One of my unwritten about (I think) goals for 2022 was to get my food hoarding under control. I don’t know the scale of severity when it comes to hoarding food. All my food is contained in the kitchen. I don’t need extra racks in my garage for boxes of pasta. Hell, I don’t even have an extra refrigerator or freezer in my garage…

Read More

My Homicidal Hands

Hi Darling Ones, Does anyone remember the Great Fungus Gnat Infestation of 2012? That’s when those little bastards killed my herb garden and also my desire to have an herb garden. There was also a small Fungus Gnat Revival of 2021. Now I’m in the midst of what can only be described as the Gnat Resurrection of 2022. I don’t know where these tiny fuckers are coming from. For the…

Read More

Women’s Fury Delights Me

Dear Darling Ones, There’s a joke that goes around about how when men write country music songs about the end of relationships they’re sad tunes about how a woman took his hound dog and now his only friend is this whiskey. When women write country songs about the end of relationships the bastard ends up wrapped in a tarp at the bottom of a lake and nobody misses him at…

Read More

Can You Hear the Angels Rejoicing?

Dear Darling Ones, I spent the winter of 1996 binge-watching “Twin Peaks.” I got to binge it because my brother-in-law got the Twin Peaks box set on VHS for Christmas 1995. I promise this is not a post about Twin Peaks or how, five years later, I’m still mad at that shitty, confusing season three. Nor is it about how a lot of people declare things great art rather than…

Read More

Emotional Support Cookies

Dear Darling Ones, Something I forgot to mention in all my whininess yesterday is how very okay I am with being single and alone. I’m pretty self-sufficient. I can pay my bills, feed myself, pleasure myself, and most importantly, amuse myself. I legit find myself hilarious. I crack me up all the time. I’ convinced I will die by choking while laughing at a joke I told myself in my…

Read More

I am Armed to the Teeth & I’m Heavy-Set

Hi Darling Ones, Carnations always make me think of that scene in “Sex in the City” when Berger breaks up with Carrie on a post-it note. This is kind of a shame, because I really love carnations. They’re not my first (lilies), second (peonies), or third (daisies) favorite flower, but I still love them. They’re criminally underrated. The first flowers I ever got were carnations leftover from a Mother’s Day…

Read More

Finding Ws After a String of Ls

Hi Darling Ones, I can already hear the complaints. “ANOTHER listicle, Jodi Chromey? We do not pay you for pointless listicles. We demand high-quality, gut-wrenching yet ultimately life-affirming content or we want our money back.” These are the complaints of the imaginary people who care about what I write here. They’re kinda assholes. Good thing I don’t take their money. I always feel kinda shitty when I do too many…

Read More