Hey Darling Ones, Since the stroke I spend a lot of time thinking about my hands. I also spend a lot of time thinking about Marge Piercy’s poem The Friend. I’ve carried this poem inside of me since I read it in my Women’s Lit class during the summer of 1991. That’s some staying power. Incidentally, I’ve also been singing that one Jewel song. You know, the one they play…
Dear Darling Ones, Since the stroke is on my mind every second of every day, I seek out things that make me forget it for even a moment. Not forget. That’s not a thing that will happen. I’m seeking small segments of time where my brain is distracted enough that it’s not constantly thinking “Wow it’s weird in here. The right side of your face is still numb. Is this…
Dear Darling Ones, There have been a few curious side effects of having a stroke. For instance, I no longer need to have coffee every day. I kicked a 20-year caffeine habit on accident. In the beginning making coffee, preparing a cup, and transporting it to the living room was just too much work. This was in the need-a-nap after breakfast days. I kept waiting with dread for the bonkers,…
Hi Darling Ones, Today is my birthday! I’m 51. Today also marks three months since the stroke that upended my life. Not to be a total downer, but I’m glad I’m done being 50. It was not a banner year for me. I had a stroke.
Dear Darling Ones, Before we begin, let’s have a moment of silence for Padma Lakshmi leaving “Top Chef.” My very favorite show will not be the same without her. Do you remember the woman who hosted the first season? She was awful. In other news, Yesterday I graduated from Occupational Therapy. Today I officially graduated from at-home Physical Therapy. If this were anything like my high school graduation I’d be…
Hi Darling Ones, For the official record, the brain weasels were right. I have both macular edema and diabetic retinopathy. THIS NEXT PART IS NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH PLEASE SKIP Now I have to go to the eye specialist every four weeks and get medicine injected into my right eye. I am not exaggerating at all. It’s rough. I had it done last week and it took me two days…
Hi Darling Ones, Author and vlogger Hank Green has Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. He announced it in a video recently and hooooooboy did a lot of what he say resonate deep into my bones. At one point he talks about how he’s struggling with having this new identity thrust upon him. He wants to continue being goofy science guy and not cancer guy. He has exactly and succinctly explained that feeling I’ve…
Hello Darling Ones, I don’t know if the Lexapro is starting to kick in, it’s the absence of the lightheaded/panic attack cycle, or I’m just getting stronger, but things are going okay this week. Yes, it’s only Tuesday. However, I’m going to be optimistic and pretend things will continue to be okay. I have a bunch of big, scary doctors’ appointments on the horizon so I need to cultivate a…
Hi Darling Ones, I’m in that weird position where writing about what’s on my mind makes things better and yet everything on my mind bores the daylights out if me. How many times can I say that being in my body is weird and annoying? How many times can I complain about the myriad ways having a stroke has disrupted my life in the worst ways? I miss the days…
Hi Darling Ones, I’m not going to apologize for the lack of updates because I am not sorry. Instead, I’m fucking depressed and kind of angry about it. The last two weeks have been a struggle and I’m too damn tired to put on my brave face. It’s a miracle that I can be tired at all because it seems like all I do is sleep. Sleep is the by-product…
