I’ve reached the stage in my yearly mid-summer battle with stress-induced insomnia where I refuse to turn on the lights or get out of bed no matter how much I’m not sleeping. It’s the stubborn phase, and it’s not pretty.

In fact, it’s downright bizarre. My mind has started this new weird thing when we’re not sleeping. After I have mentally gone over every work issue bothering me, after I have envisioned my future as a 45-year-old cat lady, after I have wished for someone to hold my head and smooth my furrowed brow, after I have written the great American novel in my head, after I have named all my teachers from Kindergarten through Senior High, and after I have pondered just getting the hell out of bed, my mind decides it’s time for a little poetry.

See, Allen Ginsberg has taken over the voice in my head. All my thoughts are narrated by his voice. But that’s not the weird thing. Oh no, just wait. See, while I am trying to sleep my mind often races through “America” or “Howl”. And because that’s not fun enough, it likes to repeatedly chant:
“America how can I write a holy litany in your silly mood? You’re like a picture on the fridge that’s never stocked with food. America how can I write a holy litany in your silly mood? You’re like a picture on the fridge that’s never stocked with food. America how can I write a holy litany in your silly mood? You’re like a picture on the fridge that’s never stocked with food. America how can I write a holy litany in your silly mood? You’re like a picture on the fridge that’s never stocked with food.”

Or last night it was, “America how can I write a holy litany in your silly mood? We are the sons of no one, bastards of young.”

Then in my head, I tell myself in Ginsberg’s voice, “Stop it, stop it. That doesn’t even make sense.” And the whole thing starts over. Usually the poem/lyric gets about four chants before I mentally step in to talk about the not making sense.

And, what’s most bizarre of all. . . is that it seems this internal argument, this poetic mashup is the only thing that finally gets me to sleep every night.