- The sheer number of Altoids Dark Chocolate Dipped Mints I’ve consumed today
- Making this list instead of, you know, doing something important
- That I not only watched America’s Next Top Model last night but that it made me cry
- And so did the Real World
- The fact that I was not upset at all about my plans for tonight being canceled because that means I can spend the night dry-humping Jim Halpert in private
- That those last three bullets were all about TV
- The glee I feel whenever that one bloggerwoman I hate has a misspelling in one of her posts
- My love of bacon
- The three e-mails I should have responded to this weekend and still have not responded to
- How often I talk about masturbation and how it’s a little sneaky to call it practice
- Telling my coworkers that I will only attend their meetings if they bring cookies
- Thinking I’m so smart when, really, I’m nothing but a fart
- For giggling at that last line
- The fact that my writing is riddled with ‘just,’ ‘really,’ and ‘well’
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13 and 14 clearly indicate Max is in control of your brain.
Max is in control of all of our brains.