i’m selfish lately. i don’t want to share. my head is full, my eyes are dry and heavy, my heart is empty. and i’m not going to tell anyone about it. i have to be social today, and the thought of it makes me want to curl up in the middle of my bed and pull the comforter up close and just sleep until it’s tomorrow. the sunshine is happy and mocking my dark, wet mood. today i want to get lost in my loneliness and melancholy. i want to revel in the hormone-inspired sadness and self-pity. today i want to read books and think sad thoughts and miss people i never met and change the endings to all the sad stories.
but instead, i will shower. i will put on summer clothes. i will paint on a smile, i will play with young children and spend time with people who love me unconditionally, and perhaps fool myself into having a good time. today, i will dare to live and not give into everything that i want to do. all that stuff that is sad and self-serving. today will laugh loudly, even if it hurts.
But there are presents in your future. Isn’t that something to look forward to?
Which tater salad recipe did you end up going with? Was it everything you imagined and more?
One of my friends and I decided that we could make our period days special, by allowing ourselves to just stay in the covers or on the couch and just coddle ourselves with novels, blankets, snacks, magazines, hot baths, and withdraw from the real world, like the Native American women who would go off into a teepee to bleed together and stay away from the rest of the tribe because the tribe thought that having your period was a very powerful time and we didn’t want to burn any of those folks with our intense energy. I don’t know if your hormonal time is what you call the mean reds or PMS, but sometimes it’s just a treat to indulge yourself. On the other hand, when depression sinks in it’s also good to go through the motions and sometimes you find that you’ve uplifted yourself just by doing that. Don’t hesitate to treat yourself special sometimes.