“despite what you think. you are capable of being liked and loved,” my best friend kari said to me over the phone.

the words stunned me for a minute, then i recovered and went on with my heartbreaking lament.

“it’s like love for dummies,” i said, “and i can’t even do that right.”
“you’ve got some seriously bad love karma. you must have had some super awesome sex sometime and now you’re paying for it.”
“it wasn’t in this life time.”

once again all plans have been thrown to the wind.

last night i couldn’t cry. or maybe i wouldn’t let myself cry. but today, right now the tears have started and i think it might be a long, long time before they stop.