he was supposed to come this weekend. he was actually supposed to come one weekend a month ago, but tragic events stopped that from becoming a reality. so he was supposed to come this weekend and once again tragic events have stopped that from becoming a reality.

am i being played?

i’m not sure. my heart is heavy and i want to cry, but oddly enough i can’t. i can’t squeeze the tears from my eyes no matter how hard i try. i want so badly to believe but my inner pessimistic skeptic is not allowing me to believe wholeheartedly.

oh, the tears want to come now. they are there on the verge. i’m afraid if they start, i might not be able to stop them.