Dear Darling Ones,
Recently, I had a social media that has been stuck in my craw since happened.
On this particular day people are ranking their favorite Wilco go albums from best to worst. Since I stopped paying attention around “Sky Blue Sky,” I didn’t participate. Besides, everybody knows “Summerteeth” is the best one.
However, I did jump in when one man said, “Hell yeah, dads are ranking Wilco.”
Grrr. Extra annoying because women were obviously participating in the conversation. Because this is a hill I will never stop dying on we had this exchange.
ME: Bursting the masculine bubble: when you make jokes about Dads talking about music & Dad Rock you alienate a ton of women & people who are not dads. (p.s. Summerteeth for life)
HIM: I would hope I live my life as a witness to dad being a gender and offspring neutral lifestyle
ME: That’s wonderful, but our language isn’t there yet and not everyone sees the word as neutral. It’s not inclusive despite best intentions.
UGH. Nice try, buddy, but words still mean things. Dad literally means “a male parent.”
I’ve been rolling it around in my head why I was so annoyed by this exchange and it hit me last night while I was brushing my teeth.
Why are all the terms that are supposed to be “gender neutral” male-coded? Dudes. Guys. Dad rock. apparently.
We’re told those terms are mostly gender neutral at this point and yet we never call a group of people “gals.” Does anyone even use the word “dudette?” And I’m sure “Mon rock” is some crappy band people like to shit on like Maroon 5 or Father John Misty.
This is so frustrating because I know men do not listen to women not just musically which I know men don’t appreciate women’s art, but also just in conversation in their daily lives.
Men don’t have to think about women if they choose not to. Especially women they’re not having sex with or aren’t related to them — mom, sister, daughter, etc. They don’t have to pay attention because this world is centered on white men.
The world revolves around them, and as they are slowly moved out of the center we get things like a second fucking Trump presidency. Again I blame the masculine bubble for this nonsense.
Men live in a world where the majority of people they talk to are other men, the listen to music made by men, watch movies written, directed, and starring men, they watch TV shows about men, read books written about men by men.
Everything is male-centric and they never have to leave that masculine bubble if they don’t want to. It’s very clear they don’t want to. A lot of men think they’re allies of women and trans people. And in their hearts I’m sure they really are, but their actions show this is an intellectual alliance at best.
When it comes to incorporating non-men into their hobbies, into the art & media they consume of it’s all men most of the time. The share mostly men-created things on social media. A week after Turnip was re-elected they’re only share male-penned commentary on the election. They’re making A-Z lists of bands they’ve seen that are 97% male.
What gives, Dudes? For real.
Curiously yours,
Jodi