Hi Darling Ones,

Yesterday I graduated Occupational Therapy. Or as K, my therapist said, “we reached the end of our journey.”

Then we both made puke faces. She got me.

Before my journey ended, she gave me all the tests she gave me back in July. I did much better. That puzzle I couldn’t finish in four minutes? I completed it in like 90 seconds. I would have done better, but my tremor was all shook up.

According to K I met or exceeded all my goals. The strength in my right hand and ram is average for a woman my age who did not have a stroke. My reaction times mean I am safe to drive if I choose to do so.

This should be a cause for celebration, but I’m kind of bummed.

I’m not fixed yet!

While I know occupational therapy is not for my wobbliness or my garbage vision, I still expect everything to be fixed at once.

I mean, I went to bed normal on March 5th and woke on March 6th broken. It only seems fair to me that all the damaged should be reversed all once.

But, noooooo.

So I’m bummed about the end of OT.

The end of OT means that it’s up to my stupid, damaged brain to recognized the right side does not weigh 85 pounds more than the left. That same brain has to decide the tremor is unnecessary.

Or, it means I have to accept that this is my normal. That I will always have a tremor and feel out of sorts in my body.

AND that’s why I’m bummed out. I’m not ready to accept this.

This sucks, and is a great example of how you can do your very best, work your hardest and still fail.

Whiningly yours,
Jodi

P.S. I know this isn’t a failure and that I can and will continue working on my arm/hand strength, but STILL. . .

P.P.S I choose not to drive because I can’t see and I don’t yet trust my feet to do what I want them to do when I want them to do it.