The Singlest

So, Darling Ones,

My plan last night was to make beef bulgogi for dinner. However, once I prepped everything and was ready to get cooking I discovered my ground beef was frozen. Since thawing meat in the microwave grosses me out, I decided to have a frozen pizza instead.

I keep roughly four or five frozen pizzas in my freezer at all times. This is part of my growing up in poverty food hoarding. I also always have chicken breasts, bacon, and ground beef in my freezer. I would have more shame about this if I couldn’t afford it and if it didn’t make me feel so secure. If something weird and catastrophic were to happen where we were all locked in our houses for weeks on end and discouraged from going to the grocery store I could eat well for a long time.

Nothing makes me feel my singledom quite like frozen pizza. First of all, it always reminds me of the song “Man Without Ties”. Only I switch the gender and sing it “Woman Without Bras.”

This is not a complaint about being single. I’m not feeling particularly lonely. Even though there was a period in my thirties where I really thought I wanted to get married, I do not want to get married. There were situations I could have turned into marriage had I been so inclined, but I wasn’t. I don’t know what love is, I don’t think. I also don’t do what I’m told.

Would I like conjugal visits from a man I find attractive and who does not live here with me or expect me to do his laundry? Youbetcha. The rest I can do without. I’m almost fifty. Old dog, new tricks, you get it, right? Of course I am fickle as fuck and reserve the right to change my mind by the end of this post.

Back to the singleness of frozen pizza.

I often joke with my friend EM that you cannot claim to be really single if you don’t eat half a frozen pizza for dinner, one slice for breakfast the next day, and the rest for lunch. You might be currently unmarried or uncoupled, but you ain’t single. The logic doesn’t work exactly, I realize that, but my point still stands. And that point is, there are a lot of leftovers when you are single. There’s also a lot of moldy bread because loaves of bread are ginourmous, more bursting into song than you could probably imagine, going to the bathroom with the door open, and watching “Bob’s Burgers” on a Saturday night while eating a bucket of popcorn with chopsticks.

That last one probably only pertains to me.

Spinsterly yours,
Jodi

(Visited 65 times, 1 visits today)

2 Comments

  1. theluckynun 07.Feb.22 at 5:43 pm

    Don’t know if you have this brand up in MN, but Oroweat makes a tiny square whole wheat bread that’s small enough for one person to get through within a few days to a week, depending on one’s love of toast and sandwiches.

    Reply
    1. Jodi Chromey 07.Feb.22 at 5:46 pm

      It looks like it might be called Brownberry up here. I’m gonna give it a try.

      Reply

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.