Hey Darling Ones,

Before I get into it, I just have to say the light outside here at dusk the day before the apocalypse is exquisite. It’s that purple tinged with orange sunsetting kind of light. If I weren’t committed to being a silver fox (with a lavender rinse at some point) or had any hair, I would dye it this color.

How are you handling the day before? I’m not doing well! My anxiety is at a fever pitch and it’s made me super manic. And let me tell you, manic on four hours of sleep is a new kind of hell. My attention span is already nonexistent due to the insomnia and then add this and well. . . I picked up my phone three separate times to air drop a picture to my laptop and got distracted each time.

I’ve been up since 7:15 this morning and I have accomplished very little. I worked for about an hour and a half, failed at napping twice, ate a turkey burger, read 3/4 of a mystery (will finish tonight), started working on our Christmas hats, and contemplated buying some stuff to soothe my anxiety. Here’s an abridged list:

• The LEGO Bookshop
• Some more plants for my Sadness Garden
• “The Midnight Organ Fight” by Frightened Rabbit on vinyl
• Super Mario LEGO
• A new wooden cutting board
• A mustard-yellow cardigan
• A table-top Norfolk Pine
• Four bottles of nail polish (I’ve painted my nails exactly once in 2020 & it wasn’t me, Jaycie painted them for me)
• 400 thread count sheets
• A V-neck short sleeve pajama set (I don’t wear clothing to bed)
• A weighted blanket
• Pomegranate & Fig cuticle oil
• A SAD lamp
• Victrola Vintage 3-Speed Bluetooth Portable Suitcase Record Player with Built-in Speakers

And Darling Ones, I’m proud to admit I bought zero things. I’m reigning in my rampant spending because I keep buying stuff and still feel shitty. Hmm. It’s almost as if capitalism is a lie and stuff doesn’t make you feel better. Weird. Instead of buying things I annoyed everyone I know by begging for attention and then being super sad when that attention was not received exactly 3.92 seconds after I asked for it.

One more day. We can do it.

Jodi