Dear Darling Ones,
The other night when I mentioned my penchant for tipping over the couch and watching TikTok to the Black Sheep I also mentioned that I’m not sure if I’m bored or depressed. It hadn’t occurred to me that I might be both.
Oh, and for the record, I still don’t know.
Work is really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really ssssssslllllllloooooooowwwwwww right now. I’ve been averaging about two hours of work a week since August. It is not fun. Last week I redesigned an author friend’s website. I’m gonna do that for another friend this week. But those aren’t real work for real pay.
If my mortgage weren’t so fucking cheap now and not needing to be paid until November, I’d be smack dab in the middle of a panic about my future move to Homelessville.
So thus I spend all my time laying on the couch watching TikTok, seeing the bullshit in all the dad-bod thirst trap videos and trying to discern if I am bored or depressed.
Well, not exactly. When I’m laying on the couch I’m mostly thinking about how lonely I’ve been lately and wondering if the two records and new plant I bought this week will help. Today I spent a lot of time not thinking at all. Instead I made albondigas soup and I finished reading Tana French’s The Searcher with my bumper buddy* Wendell.
However, now that I am actually thinking about it, maybe I am depressed? I haven’t been sleeping well. My appetite is nonexistent. I never, ever want to get out of bed. Okay, that might just be ennui too. Or exhaustion. Or life in the Unending ShitShows of America. Maybe it is just boredom. Typing that list made me cranky and bored.
*Bumper Buddies is what my niece calls it when an animal curls up between your knees and your butt. Also, when two pets cuddle next to each other. Also, the situation wherein two people have to both sleep on my enormous couch during the Christmas holiday because there are more people than there are beds at Supergenius HQ and I refuse to share my bed with any of my smelly family members. Last Christmas, Jaycie & Sister #4 were bumper buddies.