February’s Gonna February Until the Very Last Minute

Things went off the rails on Saturday afternoon after I got up from a not-entirely-restful nap. It was one of those naps where you wake up cranky and you just can’t shake it. That was what? Five days ago. I’ve been cranky ever since and it keeps getting progressively worse.

I’ve wanted to blog all week and have only now made time for it. Tuesday was a shitshow that involved accidentally blowing up a client’s website and then spending eight entire hours in a row hunched over Gladys fixing my mistake. My neck and shoulders still hurt.

Today, on this last day of a month that has been 83 days long filled with snow and cold and unyielding ennui, February decided to give me an elbow to the head and a kick to the crotch. It has decided that it won’t go quietly into that frigid, dark night. Instead, it will leave a mark.

Welcome to the cryptoblogging portion of this post. Today I found out two of my best friends, whose names I will not reveal because these stories are not really mine to tell*, are well, I don’t know the words. One is in the hospital after attempting suicide last night. The other was fired from a job that was super despited, but pretty desperately needed.

I am, of course, generally unharmed by this. But I am super weepy, afraid, and frustrated because there is literally nothing I can do besides “be there” for them which feels stupid and ineffective. And worry, which we all know is a super helpful thing that is productive and good for all involved.

*I spend a lot of time thinking about the telling of stories and which ones I can or should tell. I’ve thought about it on and off throughout the nearly TWO DECADES I’ve been doing this, but more so lately than before. I wonder if this is what really killed my blogging for the past few years. Or maybe I’m really super boring and I’ve told all my stories, because duh, blogging for nineteen years and all I really do now is read books, make soup, and then eat that soup (specifically French Onion tonight for CSA Supperclub).

I don’t know.

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