So I have an important announcement to make, but I kind of feel like the Pope stole my thunder with that whole resignation stuff. Like, dude gets all the attention because it’s the first time in like four-hundred years that a pope resigned. Whatever.

My announcement has to do with something that I can do for the first time since about 1992. So yeah, it’s not like a once every four-hundred years kind of announcement, but still. It’s an achievement that deserves to be recognized, and here it is.

I can now wear my hair in a ponytail even if it isn’t super greasy because it hasn’t been washed in three or four days!

Proof.

Please forgive the super-messiness of my hair, I’m not entirely sure it got brushed today. My teeth, however, I brushed those suckers twice. So yeah, I have ponytailable hair. This means, of course, that I want to cut it all off. Long hair is a lot of damn work in that it gets everywhere all the time and I shed like a puppy with a skin condition.

That ends my my special announcement. You can admit it was way more exciting than the papacy.