The saddest sex dream in all the land

Thanks to all the hullabaloo about the Diamond Jubilee last week, I’ve been having a lot of dreams involving Prince Harry. Or, as I like to call him His Royal Ginger. Also, Yum!

Many of these dreams have been of the adult variety, not so much XXX but more Skinemax. I like to think it’s my subconciousness’s way of saying, “here, you deserve this.” Thanks to Google, I don’t feel too Coo Coo Ca CaCera about this celebrity crush because I discovered His Royal Adorableness is 27. Twenty-seven happens to be the creep-number for FORTY!-year-old women (half your age + seven).

Rawr! I am cougar here me roar.

Sadly this is not about my Rated-R almost sex dreams about the Royal Gingy. No, this is about the saddest sex dream in all the land. I happen to be the brain that conjured up and hosted this dream.

In this dream I was ordering dinner at Perkins from a waiter who was not Prince Harry. The waiter was also kind of an asshole, because no matter how hard he tried to get me to order seafood, I refused. He made fun of me for whatever I was ordering calling it “the Big Mac of Perkins.”

Yes, apparently I dreamed up a food-snob Perkins waiter who I proceeded to have sex with standing up outside the women’s bathroom. I’m not sure how or why the sex started. What I do know is that he came much faster than I did and when I complained he said, “Oh, you’re totally finished. I can tell.” No matter how much I protested about how I did not have an orgasm, he refused to believe me. It totally sucked.

I can’t tell what’s sadder that I had a dream where I had sex with an asshole Perkins waiter or that my dream sex was so damn bad.

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5 Comments

  1. Lesley 13.Jun.12 at 9:06 am

    Ugh. Bad dream sex feels like an insult directly from the Universe. Next time, take that smart mouthed waiter by the throat and make him make you happy or else he gets NO TIP! :o)

    Reply
    1. Jodi 13.Jun.12 at 10:51 am

      It IS AN INSULT! That’s the perfect way to describe it. The universe better send me something good to make up for such a slap.

      Reply
  2. NBFB 13.Jun.12 at 10:59 am

    I’m familiar with the creep number and men dating younger women. But I was never sure if the same equation applied to women and younger men because of the cougar factor.

    Reply
    1. Jodi 13.Jun.12 at 11:00 am

      I like to think the creep-factor is the same regardless of gender.

      Reply
  3. Bonny Holder 15.Jun.12 at 11:01 am

    OMG. My cougar-aged guy is 40.

    Reply

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