A long time ago, I used to read my web stats religiously. But then I got bored because all anyone seemed to be searching for were various ways to watch a tall woman have sex with a short man, how to actually have sex with a tall woman, or whether or not tall women will date a shorter man. If you’re ever super bored and looking for some crazy kind of creepy reading, take a gander at the 93 comments on this post.

This morning, I meant to click the icon for the STrib that sits at the top of my browser, but accidentally clicked the Stats one instead. They look similar. I quickly fell down the rabbit hole of web stats, chuckling at the phrases people Googled that brought them to I Will Dare. My favorites? “I hate Nicholas Sparks” (which prompted me to say, out loud, ‘me too, buddy’) and “Kerouac overrated?” (another out loud response, ‘Yes.’ What? Doesn’t everyone talk to their web stats?)

So when I saw “top ten reasons why pacey is better than dawson’ in the refer logs, I clicked it because I was curious to see if anyone had come up with such a list. When I discovered that no such thing appeared to exist I thought, this is a void that needs to be filled. People need to know the ten reason that make Pacey better than Dawson. And as the Internet’s self-proclaimed, self-deluded top Dawsonologist, I’m just the nutjob to create the list.

Top Ten Reasons Why Pacey is Better than Dawson

10. Pacey is adventurous. Dawson is too cautious. Pacey spent the summer before his senior year sailing the Atlantic with his girlfriend? What did Dawson do? Sit in his room pouting and watching “The Last Picture Show.”

09. Pacey can cook. I have no idea if Dawson can cook or not, but we know Pacey can and that rules.

08. Pacey stands up for what’s right. These are almost too numerous to list but include: having it out with the teacher who made Jack out himself in English class; kicking the ass of that rich dirtbag who ruined Joey’s mural; standing by Andie through her breakdown and forgiving her (eventually) for cheating on him; and raising money for Dawson’s movie after accidentally losing it all in the stock market (we’re turning a blind eye to the whole teacher/sex thing). Dawson doesn’t take many stands and mostly plays the victim in all situations.

07. Pacey’s a brunette. This one is subjective. I can’t help it. After redheads, brunettes are my weakness. Sorry blondes!

06. Pacey bought Joey a wall.

05. Pacey is a good friend. Even though big baby Dawson never really forgave Pacey for “stealing” Joey (even though it was Dawson who threw the two together in the first place), Pacey spent most of the entire run of the show trying to make life easier and better for the butthead.

04. Pacey is better in bed. Okay, this is just hunch, being as I never had sex with either Dawson or Pacey (because they are fictional characters). But Pacey’s first lover was a 30something woman, you know she trained him well. Dawson’s was Jen. Need I say more?

03. Pacey watches Joey sleep that night after the Potter B&B opens. Love is the hardest of woods or something. Grams said love is being content to watch someone sleep next to a fire, which is exactly what he does. It isn’t creepy like it might sound. It’s totally sweet.

02. Pacey remembered the bracelet. During the Jr. Prom Joey who went with Dawson finally gets to dance with Pacey, her one true love, and even though she’s sporting some gaudy earrings that Dawson borrowed from his mom, Pacey knows that aren’t Joey but instead compliments her on a bracelet that used to be her dead mother’s. Hello, swoon much?

01. Pacey never made this face: