In an effort to maximize resources and minimize ishiness, the Department of Policies & Practices at I Will Dare (a subsidiary of Supergenius, Inc.) has made a few additions to the 382 policies that govern this loosely held conglomeration of bombast (incidentally we have also formed a committee to look into changing our tagline, officially, to “peddler of bombast”).
On the surface these new policies may look as though we’ve turned into a humorless prig, a sensitive sally, or, simply, no fun. Au contraire, mon frere. This is just not true. In fact, it is in an attempt to save humor and have more of the fun that we have decided it is in our best interest to make these policies official and applicable across the entire corporation.
NEW Policy #383: Refusal to laugh at obvious jokes (aka “dad” jokes)
This policy first sprang to life (unofficially of course) while attending the Ben Greenman reading at The Loft. During the introduction, the introducer dude made a crack about how Greenman is an editor at a “little, struggling literary magazine” we might have heard of called The New Yorker. While the audience laughed (politely, I hope), my cheeks burned with embarrassment for the introdude.
Some people will mistakenly assume this has always been the official policy of Supergenius, Inc. It has not. But we’ve been testing it out, specifically on Wolfdogg who only made a lame pun during Rock & Roll Bookclub but then proceeded to applaud that pun. Because of the unofficial (at that time) policy, we pointed out that lame pun and the subsequent applause.
We also reserve the right to announce upon being subjected to obvious jokes, “that’s so funny I forgot to laugh.”
We have made it our goal to eradicate bad and/or obvious humor where ever we see it. This might sound harsh, but we know you are better than that and will hold you to a higher standard.
Speaking of eradication this brings us to our next change.
NEW Policy #384: Zero tolerance when it comes to posts/tweets/status updates that hurt our feelings or offend us
This seems like it should be common sense, however, in the Internet age it is not. I am willing to admit it might not be common sense to me, which makes sense. For many years I would finish books I didn’t enjoy, sit through movies I found boring, and laugh at jokes that weren’t funny (see Policy #383), it never occurred to me that I had the option to quit.
Double-duh because I have long espoused unsubscribing from blogs/writers who drive you crazy. Of course, I only started espousing this after the aforementioned Wolfdogg told me to stop reading Bitchface if she drove me so nuts. I think part of me wanted to be driven nuts. Reading her insecure, poorly-written asinine commentary fed my ego, made me feel better than her. It’s ugly, but true.
But then it dawned on me that I was giving an awful lot of my energy to someone I didn’t like. Smooth move, Exlax.
The same is true with Facebook “friends” and people you follow on Twitter. If someone makes some sort of (what they deem as) keen observation about a group of people that you find offensive (or hurts your feelings), unfollow. Don’t think twice about it. If the observation is offensive enough (as happened with me this weekend when a friend I was following on Twitter made a rude, insensitive crack at the expense of fat people) you will unfollow without even thinking about it.
At least that’s what I did. I unfollowed so fast I didn’t even think about his feelings, or that my action may lead to an awkward conversation down the road. I didn’t care. What he said offended me and hurt my feelings. I don’t need to be offended in my own Twitter stream. Nobody does.
It’s the only way to go. We don’t need to invite people into our lives who make us feel ishy, which is exactly why we’ve instituted these new policies at Supergenius, Inc.