Drowning Gideon: A cautionary tale

Here are two things I’ve learned tonight.

  1. Chrome bags are waterproof as fuck. Seriously. You can dump 27 ounces in that sucker and it will hold forever, only slowly seeping out after sitting around sloshy for over an hour.
  2. Don’t be the kind of fucking moron who carries their beloved laptop, Gideon, around in a bag with a water bottle. It will only end in tears.

The tears, I am surprised to report, were not mine. Nope, they belonged to Sister #2. I had journeyed over to their house to watch Glee. Before the show started they showed a commercial for buy one get one for a quarter Blizzards. Jaycie immediately started hinting for one. She waxed poetically about the deliciousness of the Ooey Gooey Caramel Blizzard. Because I cannot resist her and because it sounded good, we decided to get some to go.

As I dug into the aforementioned Chrome Bag in search of my keys and my wallet, I pulled out the water bottle that was surprisingly light.
“Uh,” I said. “This is really light for my bag being so heavy.”

It was then that I pulled a dripping Gideon from the watery depths.

“Holy shit,” Sister #2 jumped from the couch and immediately begin pacing.
“What happened?” Ben asked.
I flipped Gideon over and popped out his battery, water dripping all over my jeans. “This can’t be good.”
“Jaycie, get her another towel,” Sister #2 shouted, her hands covering her mouth in horror.

I cleaned up the mess, dumping some two or three inches of water from my bag. After gently placing Gideon in front of the window to dry, Jaycie and I went to DQ. After finishing our ice cream treats and watching Glee, talk turned back to Gideon.

“You’re surprisingly calm,” Sister #2 said.
“It’s karma,” I said. “I was all smug about paying off my credit cards this afternoon, now look what happens.”
“You were smug,” she said. “You mentioned it as soon as you sat down.”
“I was proud, I had to tell someone. I was actually going to blog about it this afternoon, about how as soon as I pressed send payment on AmEx, I popped open Amazon to see if they were selling the new MacBook Pros yet. I’m such a bougie, capitalist pig.”
“You are!” she said, laughing.

We talked about how much ass it was going to suck to have to use a PC (oh Big Betty, she’s such a warhorse) for a few days, the last time I backed up Gideon (Saturday), and how all the files I worked on today are stuck on Gideon.

“So what are you going to do?” she asked.
“I don’t know. I had planned on buying a new computer anyway. I need the write off.”
“So what’s stopping you from buying it now?” Ben asked.
“Well, I don’t know.”
“What are the disadvantages of buying it now?” he asked.
“I won’t be consumer debt free for a month.”
“That’s it?”
“Just buy it now,” he said.
“You’re such a pusher.”
“I just try to find ways in life to say yes rather than no,” he said.

So, yeah, I need a name for my new computer. I’m thinking something female. Whatya got?

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  1. Doug 21.Apr.10 at 1:31 am

    I recently lost a couple days’ work on a laptop that gave up the ghost, as I hadn’t copied the file off the hard drive. Now I work straight off the thumb drive.

    Fool me once…

  2. Jennifer Malmquist Skrip 21.Apr.10 at 11:04 am

    So sorry to hear about your laptop! It reminds me that I need to back up my own files. For the new computer, how about Clara or Lolly?

    Congratulations on paying off your credit cards, especially while you are unemployed!

  3. UH 21.Apr.10 at 11:52 am

    I’m partial to the name “Persephone” for a computer.

  4. Jodi 21.Apr.10 at 12:00 pm

    UH, I have an iPod named Eurydice. I’m partial to the Greek names.

    Jennifer I actually know/knew people with the names Clara and Lolly. How weird is that?

  5. Scott 21.Apr.10 at 5:17 pm

    Greek huh? Well then how about Sisyphus? Computers are sisyphean – buy new technology, soon it’s old technology, buy new technology, soon it’s old technology, … and on and on pushing that new technology up the hill only to have to start all over again. Sort of like credit card debt!

    Maybe in this analogy though your laptop should be called Boulder.

  6. shelaka 22.Apr.10 at 10:15 am

    How about Agatha? It comes from the Greek Agathe, meaning ‘good.’

  7. david 23.Apr.10 at 1:43 pm

    Calliope? The muse for poetry, then rename the old laptop Poseidon.

  8. Jake 24.Apr.10 at 7:07 pm

    I think you should name her Evelyn.

  9. RJ 25.Apr.10 at 2:30 pm

    Eunice (my dad’s mom) or Lucille (my mom’s mom).


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