Answering the Googlers’ Questions XII: Severe lack of wit edition

This is a feature on I Will Dare where we answer the questions that brought inquiring Googlers to our doorstep. Usually it’s much funnier, but I didn’t sleep a lot last night. However, I do have to tell you that my DVR is currently in possession of 10.5 hours of V (the mini-series, both of them).

What is the jump rope capital of the world?
Bloomer, WI.

Who sang ‘you’ve abandoned me love don’t live here anymore?
Madonna

How do I lose my virginity to my sister?
You don’t. Unless, of course, you are Christopher Dollenganger and you’re being kept in a attic by your wanton mother and evil grandmother. In that case, if you have Internet access, alert the authorities.

Who is the woman singer on The Hold Steady’s Chillout Tent?
Elizabeth Elmore (Dave Pirner sings on the song too).

Will I get in trouble for using someone else’s poem?
Yes. Didn’t you ever see that episode where Blair plagiarizes that Emily Dickinson poem? Sheesh, does TV teach us nothing?

Why do they call it criss cross applesauce?
In this thread, there’s a reference to a rhyme dating back to the 60s or 70s:
Criss-cross applesauce
Pockets on the floor
Hands in your lap
And wiggle no more!

Back in the olden days (when I was kid) it was called Indian style, which is not so culturally sensitive.

Is Hemingway alive?
Ernest? No.

Did David Carr ever beat his girlfriend?
I think so. I can’t remember specifically, and in my review of The Night of the Gun I called him a woman beater, and I can’t imagine that I made that up.

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